BDSM Dating Hassles (2)

How much do I hate the very prospect of dating? In general, this has been something I've had minimal experience with in my lifetime. I simply don't date. It's not a conscious choice mind you, it just sort of worked out that way. And I've rarely had relationships. Truth be told, I've spent the majority of my time on my own.

As a teenager and in my early to mid twenties, this irregularity in comparison to everyone else around me was a sure sign that I was defective in some manner or other, and clearly not deserving of dating and all the things that go along with it. And so my life this past year and a half is not at all indicative of what came before it. And I'm not unhappy about that at all, but sometimes I think I have some catching up to do. And sometimes, I still think that I'm somehow defective.

And so now the need to gear up and do it all over again is upon me. I am so unenthused. In general, I tend to use the internet for these endeavors. I've had reasonable luck with internet dating as long as you stick to a couple rules, it tends to work okay. First and most importantly, once you think you are interested, set up a meeting. Do not, I repeat, do not continue with an email/messenger flirtation and drag out something that may or may not exist in real life. Bite the bullet and meet that person. Of course, this assumes you have gotten a photograph in advance of meeting. If a photograph isn't on the profile, this is something that should happen immediately. Fuck what people say about 'looks don't really matter'. That's crap and it works both ways. Looks do matter. Especially when you meet in this way. It's not like you've been working together for years and so are used to, or can easily overlook how someone's appearance is not what you normally go for. For new people, looks will matter, and anyone who says otherwise is a liar.

So far, everything I've said applies to any internet dating and dating in general. It's not that it's different if you start looking in bdsm only venues, but there are added complications. Some of which I've already discussed here. Added complications of specific bdsm dating are: the percentage increase in the number of freaks and wierdos, the tendency to meet people who want to jump immediately into exclusive and intense relationships, the difficulty in casually dating anyway if the results of your dating remains as marks on your skin for a week or two at a time. Initially however, it's the first that is the most daunting. I'm not particularly unusual or freakish in any discernible way, but I do like my sex rough and with a power exchange. I'm not intending to be mean, only to say that those who are 'so' into their sexuality and/or mix it up with body modifications, being goth, or otherwise 'counter culture' aren't going to do it for me and vice versa. And there a lot of them.

I know that by opting to look in the bdsm arena I'm excluding lots of people. But on the other hand, I wouldn't be happy with someone who wasn't interested or didn't enjoy these things. So fucking complicated. Dating blows.