03 December 2012

Of Course

On Friday I went to the London Munch.  I haven't been for a while, but H wanted to go and as she's not always in London it was a good excuse to meet up.  And of course it was a good excuse to see some other people I haven't seen for a while as well.

I had the opportunity to spend a good part of the evening talking to B.  I know H and B have known each other a long time, but B seems uninvolved in most of H's shenanigans and so I haven't really had an opportunity to meet him before although I knew what he looked like.  He seemed really cool.  We had a good bit of conversation.  He's cute.  And of course he isn't interested in me in the slightest.

Which of course makes me feel unhappy.

There isn't anything to be done about it.  If I was thinking more objectively, I would know that H must have known there would be no interest otherwise she might have introduced us before now.  And I don't really know him, it was more a brief infatuation.  A spark.  But I can't help but be disappointed nonetheless.

This is on the tails of me having recently been to a fertility clinic to discuss the potential for egg freezing as I watch my remaining child conceiving years slip slowly away.  My mom instigated this- she offered to pay for it after reading a long article about parents paying for their daughters to have their eggs frozen in the New York Times.  It's not something I would pay for myself, but with someone else paying, my perspective changes somewhat.  My first meeting with the doctor was good.  He didn't try to push anything on me or sell me.  Answered all my questions.  Was very calm about the whole thing.  Of course that could just be his approach, but it resulted in me thinking that maybe it is a good thing to do.  I may decide I want kids later, either with someone or on my own.  And if I do this, and it's successful then it "freezes" my chances for pregnancy at the age I am now, 38.  While my chances are still reasonable.  It just gives me an option that I may regret not having later.  So... why not?

This will hopefully be after I return from Australia in the new year.  This trip is approaching faster than I don't know what.  I'm looking forward to it, but stressed about taking so much time out.  I'll need to do work while I'm away but I'm afraid I won't do any at all.  Luckily, I just got my yearly maintenance cheque, four months late which means I've lived four months without it and feel like I have a little bit of extra money to enjoy myself on this trip, so that's good.  I need some enjoyment!!  Hopefully swimming in the bay and going for some nice bike rides will help towards that.  And if I can find a spa or something similar, then I might try that as well.  Not looking forward to the flights of course.  But nothing to be done for that except drugs and more drugs.  I did manage to stock up though, so at least I'm all set for that.

Other stuff going on with other folks but can't muster up the interest to write about them right now.  I'm still wallowing in my own imagined rejection.  Feeling sorry for myself and lonely.  What else is new?