16 August 2009


Today is my birthday.

For a very long time I have tried to write a journal entry on my birthday. Not that I care much about birthdays to be honest. An August birthday is not kind to a child growing up. In particular it is not kind to a child growing up who must spend their summer with their other parent, in another state, far away from their friends who might actually still be in town as opposed to on holiday with their families.

But I do enjoy marking time and milestones. I like when things seem complete or whole, and so for that reason, I like the idea of birthdays. Whole numbers of whole years of time that can be measured. And taking measure, for what it's worth, of a moment, of a year, of a life.

So what can I say about this last year? Firstly that it has been a tremendous time of change, in a way that I did not anticipate or expect, mostly having to do with work. Although I don't see this as a bad thing. It scared me, certainly, but in a way showed me that I was stronger and more versatile and adaptable than I thought. It also showed me that I had better connections and networks than I knew. I was glad to find that I could rely on myself. That I managed my life in a way that when things went badly, I had allowed for a way to adapt. That I had resources to adapt. Okay, those resources have dwindled somewhat, but they were there for me when I needed them, and that's what I think is important.

On the personal side of thing, I really did get rid of the influence Mr.Aloof had on my life. At the point of my birthday last year, I would not say that I was over things. But now, a year later than that, I can say with confidence that I am well and truly over that. And I met Heathrow. And have had the opportunity to have a different sort of relationship with a different sort of person. And that has been lovely. Of course, writing this I am conscious of the fact that things with Heathrow may be coming to a close, but retrospectively, I appreciate that he entered my life when he did, and was the person he was and we have had what we've had so far, even though I don't know how much longer it might continue. It doesn't mean that I am so sure that I will find the 'one' for me for the future, but it all made me feel a little less freakish. A tiny bit more confident. Slightly more prepared for when I do meet the next person, and have a relationship, and how that process will go, and how I will be. So that's been a good thing about this year.

I did a lot more cooking this year, and I rode my bike a lot more, though not nearly enough on either count. I ate a lot more vegetables which is good. I ate out a lot less- through necessity. I learned some basic guitar which I continue to work on and have enjoyed. I returned to sailing which I've also really enjoyed. I've read more books than I've seen movies, though not very many are shelf worthy.

I was in my first wedding party. I had three flatmates over the course of the year. My dad finally came to visit me. I've had really good friends leave London, some going farther than others. I've made new friends, though only time will tell if they are the long lasting sort. The long lasting friends I already had have (both near and far) continued to grow and develop and be the mainstay of what I consider my social life.

Some more friends had babies. And probably for the first time ever I considered that it will be really sad if this is something that never happens for me. But I didn't dwell on it too much.

And what about the year ahead? There is so much uncertainty in the future that it's difficult to make any sort of concrete goals. I should be getting my dual citizenship soon, so there's that to look forward to. Again, a nice and compact accomplishment that will be deeply satisfying. I hope to have my job situation under control. I hope to make a trip to Africa- not because I particularly want to go to Africa but because I have the opportunity to and when would I ever go otherwise? I'd like to say my relationship situation might find its way but I think the reality is that is less likely as opposed to more likely, and again I don't see the point in dwelling upon it. I will continue to live my life in a way that I hopefully find fulfilling and satisfying. Continue to learn and grow.

It's a strange thing to think that you could easily be halfway done with your life. And what do you have to show for it exactly? What's the legacy that you'll leave? These are the things I think about sometimes.

At any rate, here's to a good year. I can't begin to imagine now what it's going to be, but there's one thing I can be sure of, there's no way it's going to be boring.