30 October 2010

Unwelcome Guest

I'm trying to be good and get work done this Saturday morning, but its almost 11 and although I've done a small bit of side work, I have not worked on my first year report, which had been my intention when my alarm went off at 7 this morning.

I didn't mean to get up at 7, I just wanted to start the process of waking up. And as part of my process of waking up and having a lie in, I thought a morning orgasm was in order. That's pretty typical for me. So far, nothing of note here.

What was of note however, was the unwelcome return of the BOHS. Are you fucking kidding me? I stopped at the first sign of stabbing head pain, but I still have a residual headache in the right half of my head hours later. And that was fom pretty rapid stopping.

A few days ago, although I didn't get the stabby head pain, I did feel a certain 'tightness' in my head post orgasm, or sort of throughout the 'final stages' as it were, and it did cross my mind then that it seemed dangerously close to tripping into pain territory. But I have had at least a couple of orgasms between then and this morning with no head pain.

Regardless, this is a most unwelcome development. I mean, after so much stress and heavy workload, it seems entirely fair and reasonable that orgasms are the way forward to good health and relaxation and now I am going to have to be off the sauce for at least a week if not two.

I'm also disturbed that this is the first time it has reappeared since what was it, 2004?? Unacceptable.

Should I consider this karmic retribution for not getting on with my work enough? Funny that the two week standard waiting period coincides with the two weeks I have to get a first draft of my first year report together. Or really I'm just being silly looking for mystic connections that don't exist.

Still. Fucking BOHS. Fuck fuck fuck!

23 October 2010

Pushing the Edge

I told myself that at 5pm I would go take a shower and get dressed as I have people arriving no later than 6:45 and we are immediately going out for the evening. Of course it has turned 5pm and I find I am now blogging because this is what I do.

I am still sick which I am not enjoying at all. I am enjoying having my American drugs and being back in London but I don't really need to be going out for a late one tonight. Unfortunately it's been planned for ages, and with people coming in to the city and staying at my house, it's not something I can exactly back out of. I could if I was really completely fucked, but seeing as I'm only partially fucked, I'm afraid it's a night out for me.

This week was completely fucking mental and one I would not like to see the likes of again. Monday London, Tuesday Cambridge, Wednesday London, Thursday Cambridge/Duxford, Friday Cambridge/London. Meetings, class, lecturing, conference, meetings and more meetings. And on top of this an emergency meeting with my supervisor who was 'worried about me'. I hope that she is not worried about me anymore- but it's never nice to look like you're falling behind and failing. Between being sick and being stressed I said some stuff that was perhaps a bit... extreme, so I freaked her out. I think it's all okay and back on track now and that the next three weeks will be manageably busy as opposed to horrifically busy.

Currently I spend my time considering my snot content and breathing status. So I'm not really thinking ahead over much just this moment. I'm hoping by the end of the weekend that will change. Though I'm not exactly helping myself by a night out. I'll just need to take it as easy as I can and stay warm.

Seeing as I'm completely self absorbed with illness and deadlines at the moment, I am not really thinking about my social life which is just as well. I haven't particularly talked to Econ since last weekend which is normal for us, but it isn't really bothering me which is just as well. I don't really need something else to worry or stress about. I would like to see him again, and soon, though preferably when both of us are not ill. So hopefully. And then maybe I'll have more to say about it. Or not. He's currently a very fun distraction, when he's around or I'm available to have a distraction. So that's good. And I'm not being mental about it at all, so that's also good as far as I can tell.

Okay, I really need to think about showering and getting dressed. Although I have an idea of what I might wear this evening, I'm not at all sure it's going to work and I could find that I'm entirely screwed in the clothes department. I really don't have much by the way of party clothes. Perhaps at some point in the near future I should remedy that, but it's not going to help me for tonight, is it?

21 October 2010

Don't Tempt Fate

What happens when mania explodes is clearly that I get terribly ill. Yes, I am terribly ill now. Not that I have less to do, just that I have lost the will to live and most of the ability to speak or breathe correctly. It hit me after my day of teaching- I thought I had a sore throat just from talking all day, but as it turns out, I've come down with a nasty cold. I'm also in Cambridge just now and do not have access to my American drugs, so I am suffering through the aches and pains and congestion seeing as how my lemsip pills do pretty much fuck all. I am going to try and get a lot of sleep tonight, go to the meetings I have to do tomorrow and immediately head back to London and my own bed. And not stress and think about the work I am otherwise not doing, because I really need to just get well. Ridiculous.

19 October 2010

I Don't Know How Magnets Work

My life is in full swing manic mode. I was considering over the weekend if it's possible to have a manic episode solely induced by work and stress. I think the answer must be yes. Of course I sit around wondering what it's going to be like when the crash hits, but perhaps it's already happening as things spiral ever so slightly out of control.

I know that I'm in trouble when I can't still my thoughts. I stumble over words because my brain is trying to juggle too many things. My hands shake more than usual. I have realistic dreams - about doing work. I show up late to things.

Of course, this will pass, and I will be okay but it's a hard slog at the moment. Too many commitments that are all intertwined but are prohibiting me from actually doing my own work, you know, that stuff that's required for me to actually get a PhD. I haven't done any of my own work for a week. And I have a major deadline in a couple weeks time. Oh dear.

But enough about work. It's busy, it's messy, it's stressful, but it's also great. I love that I am getting funded to do this for a living. I have deadlines and tasks but I don't have drudgery. I don't have to show up at the same place every day and work my 9-5. It's hard and this is a particularly awful patch, but in the greater scheme of life, it's fantastic.

So on to other things and updates since I haven't written here for a while.

This weekend my friend L came to stay from Wales. She's a doctor friend that I met through my original doctor friend C a while ago now. She came to London to go to this conference thing full of skeptics. I wasn't overly aware of the skeptic movement prior to her attendance at the TAM event. They seem okay, although slightly cliquey, which sort of seems ironic, all things considered. Also, they seem to spend a lot of time talking about religion when I want to know why they don't talk more about climate change. But you know, whatever floats your boat.

I had been in Cambridge last week and came back Thursday to meet up with L and go to a fringe event of TAM which was skeptics pub quiz in central London. Met her here at home to drop off her bag and headed in to town. Found the pub, and got drinks and food. Teams were for up to 6 and it was only her and me, we needed to find more people. We managed to find 2 in the pub and I had put calls out to the other couple as well as to L of the recent disappointing dating experience...

Side note to this, I think L needs a better name for future discussion. So dating but not dating L will henceforth be known as.... um.... Econ.

...but of course the pub had no reception in the basement where the quiz was going on. So I called the other couple and they couldn't come and I sent Econ a text but I figured he wouldn't make it, and I went back to the basement. We'd managed to get a team of five and had pleasantly called ourselves 'Team Sugartits' in honor of my Welsh friend. Just as the first round of five was finishing, Econ actually showed up which was cool. There was a bit of cuddly touching and fondling between him and me in our tightly squeezed table throughout the night which was enjoyable. There was an awful lot of drinking going on as well which was lubricating. After five rounds we had come in joint fourth and had won third place for best team name. So overall a good night. Econ walked me and L back to our night bus around half past midnight and we parted ways.

Saturday, as L was at the conference and I was not, I did some work in the morning then went over to X's house to meet up with her and V for a reunion potluck lunch. That was very nice and chill. From there, L had texted me to say she got tickets to the evening entertainment at TAM of various people and acts including Jon Ronson**, the Amateur Transplants and Tim Minchin. So I went straight from the one to the other. It was a really fun evening, albeit another late night.

Sunday L was off to the conference again but I had gotten tickets to chocolate unwrapped which seemed like a good idea and Econ had agreed to go with me. He'd texted me the night before unsure if he was going to make it as he was feeling ill so I was not holding my breath. However, by morning he said he was up for it so we met at 1:30 at the venue. But I have to say, he did not look well. So perhaps attending an all you can eat chocolate fest was not a great idea. As it was, I tasted a good amount of chocolate, though I did not gorge and Econ had almost none. It was a fairly impressive event with all the tastings. Completely worth the money and also lots to buy if you were so inclined. One to keep in mind for next year.

But difficult to share if one of two is not feeling so well and not indulging. So after a good go at it, we left there and went for a wander over to the Tate to check out the sunflower seed exhibit. Of course they just closed the damn thing because of dust, so you can look but not touch which is completely pointless. At the very least I felt they could have had a small batch of them you could touch, or let people on in small numbers and for limited time? It was not the experience that it should have been is all I have to say. Disappointing.

Leaving the Tate, we stopped outside so I could get a good look at the progress of the Neo Bankside development which is being developed by my PhD industrial partner. Econ knew a coffee place so we went there to crash on a sofa and chat and continue to look at the project. It was pleasant and relaxing and getting a bit later. L had texted me to let me know there was an end of event party I could have gone to in Camden but I didn't really feel like going out partying. So Econ said I could come over to his, but his place was a tip so I'd have to wait outside while he cleaned it. And also he had to pop by his office to pick up a laptop since his computer broke. So we went and found some Boris bikes and cycled over to his office. I'd never been to his office and it was fairly nice. We got the laptop then cycled back to his and as he said, I waited in the corridor (reading a book) while I could hear him rushing about and cleaning. About fifteen minutes later he let me in and we continued our day of relaxing and conversation. At some point we ordered dinner, and it was getting later and later. I figured I was going to go home but then he said I could stay over. It was late, and while there had been ample cuddling and stuff, not much else, so staying over was desirable.

So I texted L to make sure she was okay with that and decided to stay over even though that meant getting up at six to go home first so I could change to go in to my industrial partner's office in the morning for a 9am meeting. Good plan at any rate, but not entirely as expected. I think Econ was still a bit ill, so clearly not really up for messing around and I'm not a pushy person when it comes to these things. I am reasonably sure I'd made my interest clear but I wasn't going to force him. So instead we went off to bed, or rather, I went to bed and he stayed up cleaning. Eventually came in but was having trouble sleeping so he was reading and I was not quite sleeping, somewhat horny, mind racing- so I decided that what I really wanted was to have a really good orgasm so I could get to sleep. This seemed entirely reasonable to me, but a bit awkward seeing as he and I haven't slept together in a couple of months now, even if we were laying in bed together naked, nothing was happening. So I pondered it for a while but as he was turned away from me, I figured as long as he wasn't weirded out by it, I should do it. So I tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Okay, this might sound weird, but I'm too keyed up to sleep and I really just want to get myself off because it will help as long as you don't mind". He said of course he didn't mind and did I want him to leave the room which I thought was funny, so I said no, I just didn't want to freak him out and so I got down to business. I turned away from him, so I have no idea if he watched. He must have at some point because when I was finished, and finally drifting off to slumber, he was tickling my back which was ever so nice.

But that was it. My alarm went off at 6. I don't think he got to sleep until 3 or 4. I got myself together and let myself out. Made my way to London Bridge, got home, got changed, then oddly enough L came home from her night out which is another story all together and then I was out to my manic Monday. Meetings all day and what may or may not have been a date with someone I've been working with then home then a last dinner with L then I was off to Cambridge. Cambridge today, then back to London. Procrastinating terribly doing this blog but actually need to prepare work for a teaching day at UEL tomorrow, then tomorrow night back to Cambridge. Thursday a conference in Duxford and Friday Cambridge, then back, then this weekend my flatmate is changing over plus I've got a kinky girls night out on Saturday and two of them are crashing at mine and then it will be Monday again.

Shit is busy these days.

I'd like to write more about Econ- where I'm at with it and why it is or isn't a good idea. But I think that will have to wait. I've written enough and have loads to do yet tonight. I just needed a break.

** If you don't know about the reference in the title, check link