Country Pains

In two days time we will have our presidential election.  It's neck and neck and I'm really not sure who will win.  Obviously I hope very much that Obama wins, and I have already voted by absentee ballot- not that it matters much, as a New York voter, my state pretty much always goes democratic for president.  But the state of my country is worse than embarrassing, it's actually deeply disturbing.

It happened around the time of Reagan and heading into Bush senior, that politics started to become more and more divided.  This reached a new milestone with the persecution of Clinton and the mud slinging that happened around the Lewinski affair.  Since then, our politics have become more and more polarized.  The country less and less able to make decisions that motivate or inspire the public as a whole.  When I look at the state of my country, I see a place on the verge of some sort of collapse.  I don't blame this wholly on the bipolar state of the country, because as much as Americans would like to think otherwise, the current economic crisis is not unique to the States and the States will not be able to "get out of it" without the rest of the world "getting out of it too".

Still, I see no easy way for the States to heal the rift that seems to continue to spread.  I read political posts saying that their candidate is sure to win a "landslide".  I suggest that these writers look up the phrase and we all accept that no matter who wins the presidency, it will not be won by a landslide and the rift will continue to grow.  It's time we all realize that it's not about who wins and who loses but it's about compromise and that no one should be getting 100% of what they want.  This is a terrible time for American politics and for America.

I want Obama to win because I think he is the best chance America has for limping along and successfully navigating the current global crisis.  Yes, we survived eight years of W, but I don't think we can survive four more years of extreme right wing economic policy under Romney.  On the other hand... is it merely postponing the inevitable?  Is global western power meltdown inevitable?  Would it actually be better to hasten this destruction to let the world be reborn in whatever new form it is going to take?  Of course, if it happens, I fear that the BRIC countries will be the ones to rise to power.  Are they ready or capable of addressing the global problems we all face or under their leadership would it seal the fate of billions of human beings and destroy the capacity for the planet to easily maintain human life to the level we currently enjoy?

Don't get me wrong- I don't worry about "the planet".  Climate change and global eco-system collapse won't kill the planet.  But it will kill off an unthinkable amount of human beings.  We can't keep consuming and polluting and keep going the way that we are going now.  Something will have to change.  Something will eventually happen that will be catastrophic.  And we will all suffer because of it.  Is it wrong to wish to postpone it?  Or like a band-aid would it be better to rip it off quickly, although it would mean that a good part of my life may be unpleasant because of it?

Well, I already voted.  Because too many people have fought and died for me to have the right to do so.  And I believe in civic responsibility.  Still, I don't vote for who I think is the best, rather I vote for who I think is the least worse.  I voted for the tiny slim chance I think exists to avert catastrophe.  But I'm afraid that it may already be too late.

Holding Steady

Why not keep with the current theme?  So today I'm lounging about in my pajamas.  I need to get my shit together and go up to Cambridge.  The weather hasn't been ideal so I'm not looking forward to going out on my bike in the cold and rain.  I yet to find a suitable pair of waterproof pants that go over existing pants.  By the time I get the right size to fit over my ass, they are way too long and not the easiest things in the world to shorten.  Ho hum.

Last night was dinner club at my house which was good fun.  We did Greek and so my fridge is now full of yummy leftovers.  Although I need to figure out what I'm doing with most of it before going away for the week.

So I'm not feeling quite as down as I was before.  Still not great, but not as low.  As usual, the main issue that bogs me down is the relationship thing.  While I think I'm much better than I was in the past about how I look at these things, it hasn't panned out that I've happened to get a relationship in all this time (that's lasted).  I was a little bit annoyed earlier this week when a friend of mine said something to me about how I was focused on my career, or have been focused on my career and that I didn't really have time for a relationship.  I believe she said this to me in order to make me feel better, but it didn't really.  Because I will always have 'a career' and I don't think having one prohibits you from having a relationship.  As for time- I manage to make time to see friends (like her) and others.  And while I'm not in the same city every week, I could certainly manage to fit someone in if they were worth it.  On top of which, I may be focused on my career- but what else do I have to be focused on?  I go on dating sites, I contact people.  I go on dates (when they ever write me first or write me back).  So what should I be doing instead in all this time?  I'm doing the right things, and it still hasn't happened for me.  I don't like it, but I also don't need to feel as though it's my fault.  It's not anyone's 'fault', it's just unfortunate.  And no, I don't like it.  But so what.  Life's not fair you know.

Anyway.  Who knows what will happen in the future.  I can only live each day as it comes and try to make the best out of the things within my control and spend less time worrying about the things outside of my control.  I'm not happy about my relationship status or situation.  But I am doing what I can do and if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen.  Life's not fair.  That's all I can tell myself.  Not blame myself.  I spent far too many years doing that.