31 March 2006


It seems to me I have read lots of blogs lately about the varying degrees of satisfaction that people feel; about their bodies, about their jobs, about their relationships. It often occurs to me that the human condition is about a sort of continual state of dissatisfaction. That once we are contented, we immediately start looking for ways to disrupt that contentment or otherwise improve upon it.

This is certainly not my own theory, as it's been touched on in various forms previously- at the moment I'm just thinking of The Matrix when he finally meets the Architect and he tells him that the first Matrix he designed was a failure because it was too perfect.

It also occurs to me that this core of our being is the reason that we are all here doing the things we are doing. If it were not for curiosity and a desire for improvement, we would still be living like the animals. I wonder sometimes about that Neolithic individual who with little or no tools or support charted stars and planetary movements. The desire to build, to shape, to sculpt surroundings beyond functional. It always leaves me summarily impressed with humanity, and vaguely disappointed with myself.

Hence the modern dilemma perhaps. The abundance of time and the lack of direction. Without a context to strive towards improving the greater good, our nature turns upon our selves. If I cannot fix the world then I will fix myself, or, conversely, if I cannot fix myself, how can I possibly hope to fix the world?

And even if we do not think of such things in such a concrete and literal way every day, I would argue that it is these questions which shape much of our day to day experience. Where we choose to direct our focus or lack thereof. In a modern age of many conveniences we are a people lost. Our creations of governments and corporations and institutions are bigger than the individual and have surpassed us in scope and longevity. And so the majority of the population is.... adrift perhaps.

The drive is intact, but the focus is missing. And so how can one reach satisfaction? To remove oneself from the equation is one way, but it is not the right answer for everyone. If everyone was to remove themselves, then all the structure would fall apart. Some would argue this is a necessary thing, but it would be painful and deadly to tens of millions of people if not more.

And so instead as not even a wheel in the machine, not even an insignificant cog, but perhaps a mere small particle of the grease that keeps it running we are left with far too much time on our hands, and a capacity that is not being used. And so we are all dissatisfied. And it doesn't look like it's going to change.

30 March 2006

Hell Week

How come it seems like you have all the time in the world until you don't?

I leave for the states next Friday. Somehow there were many things that I wanted to get done 'just before I left' and now that I only have one week, there seems to be a mad panic to try and fit everything in! To top it off I'm sort of just maybe getting my period, but it's being a slow starter. Fucking body. Just bleed damn you! Get it over with! I can tell this is going to be one of those horrid long drawn out sordid affairs of 'the period that never ends', though not as bad as some others I know.

The studying is building up to critical mass. Yesterday I just started the section for my second exam. Up until now I've only been studying the material for the first exam. So on the one hand it was good to finally get to the second bit, on the other hand, holy fuck I've only left myself a week to study for an entire fucking exam. I am so going to fail these tests! Mother fucker.

On the social scene there isn't too much going on. Still some emails flying about for various people. But no planned meetings, and no one is currently standing out as exceptional. I'm particularly frustrated right now in my hormone fueled state and find myself really missing Mr.Aloof which is all kinds of bad. He's an ass and I shouldn't bother and even if I did bother he wouldn't respond anyway, which sort of defeats the purpose. But damn! I just miss...... well, as I've said a million times before, I really miss something I never particularly had. *sigh* But a booty call with someone I like and am comfortable with and who knows what they're doing would be oh so welcome about now.

27 March 2006

I Always Feel Like.....

Who's watching
Tell me, who's watching
Who's watching me

Work on a Monday. My intense pounding of the keyboard is what gives it all away. Not that he notices the Ginga incessantly foot stomping in his desk area, oh no.

I'm just an average man
With an average life
I work from nine to five
Hey, hell, I pay the price
All I want is to be left alone
In my average home
But why do I always feel
Like I'm in the twilight zone

Anyway, that is my life at work. Ever since I got my 'talking to' a year ago, my boss is highly suspicious of what I do on my computer. Which is crap. First of all, I always get my work done, so I wish he'd stop fucking worrying about 'what I'm getting up to' because obviously it's OKAY.

And (I always feel like)
(Somebody's watching me)
And I have no privacy
Whoa...oh oh
(I always feel like)
(Somebody's watching me)
Tell me, is it just a dream

It's funny actually, I spent a large part of my life convincing myself that most people don't give a shit what you get up to. It's the legacy of teenage angst I think, when you think the world revolves around you, and everyone must be considering you at all times. Of course they aren't, they're too worried about their own little world of satellites and how everyone is thinking about them all the time. When you finally figure out that no one cares about what you are wearing and what you are doing and ever miniscule detail of your life, then you are well on your way to adulthood.

When I come home at night
I bolt the door real tight
People call me on the phone
I'm trying to avoid
But can the people on TV see me
Or am I just paranoid

Of course blogs are a funny counterpoint to that realization. Because of course the only reason for people to visit your blog is to examine your minutiae that you happen to jot down. So in point of fact, you are being watched and examined and analyzed. But I suppose this time at least, it's at your own behest.

When I'm in the shower
I'm afraid to wash my hair
'Cause I might open my eyes
And find someone standing there
People say I'm crazy
Just a little touched
But maybe showers remind me
Of 'Psycho' too much
That's why

At lunch today though lots of people were watching me and tlsd. Although I'd like to say it was because they were surprised to see me there, me, who never eats in the kitchen (or in the office for that matter) at lunch, but no, what they were truly mesmerized by was the lasagna that tlsd made. Everyone kept commenting on it. Like, dudes, go get your own because my biznatch brought me lasagna and you can't have any. Seriously.

(I always feel like)
(Somebody's watching me)
And I have no privacy
Whoa...oh oh
(I always feel like)
(Somebody's watching me)
Who's playin' tricks on me

Last night I had a bit of an IM with Mr.Ball. It was good to touch base since he'd been missing for so long. Though perhaps it was odd, as he seems quite stressed and busy. I suppose the one question I didn't ask him was 'are you okay'? Though I don't know that he'd tell me if he wasn't. Still, he's not dead or apparently completely ignoring me, so that's alright.

(Who's watching me)
I don't know anymore
Are the neighbors watching me
(Who's watching)
Well, is the mailman watching me
(Tell me, who's watching)
And I don't feel safe anymore
Oh, what a mess
I wonder who's watching me now

I've been working on this blog now for ages. Started it at work, now it's half past nine. Have I studied tonight yet? No. Fuck me. Seriously, fuck me. What is wrong with me? I just can't make myself do it. I know that I need to. Inside I'm at a dead panic that I need to do this and yet what am I doing? Not studying. I'm retarded. I can't think of any better explanation.

(I always feel like)
(Somebody's watching me)
And I have no privacy
Whoa...oh oh
(I always feel like)
(Somebody's watching me)
Tell me, is it just a dream

Well, here's the last installment. Damn that was a long song. I never knew. All I really wanted was the chorus. All I really was thinking was that my boss was watching me and I didn't like it. And then everyone wanted my lunch and I didn't like that either. And then I had lots to space to fill. And then I felt bad for not studying. Oh, and I talked to my mom in the meantime as well. So what to do now? Study I guess. While watching television of course. I mean come on, Fight School is on!

(I always feel like)
(Somebody's watching me) And I have no privacy Whoa...oh oh (I always feel like) (Somebody's watching me) Who's playin' tricks on me (Who's watching me) (I always feel like) (Somebody's watching me) Ooh... Whoa...oh oh (I always feel like) (Somebody's watching me) So? Who can it be (Who's watching me) (I always feel like) (Somebody's watching me) Whoa...oh oh (I always feel like) (Somebody's watching me) Who's playing tricks on me (Who's watching me) (I always feel like) (Somebody's watching me) Can I have my privacy Whoa...oh oh (I always feel like) (Somebody's watching me) Who's playing tricks on me

26 March 2006


Funny how the smallest thing can make everything seem different. The time changed this morning, I wasn't aware it was going to happen. I woke up very productive- folding clothes, bagging clothes to go to charity, doing laundry, doing dishes (please note there was no studying in that list). D came back from visiting his girlfriend V in Leicester. And then... I turned on my computer and found out it was noon not 11 and suddenly felt lethargic. I wanted to go to the gym and now I do not. I want to sit in my flat and sulk.

I have been feeling very sulky of late. I hope this way and that way and upside of down it's because my period is coming. I haven't had one for a while now. Stupid body. I got a zit the other day which is usually a good sign, but the zit is gone, and the period is not here. But my mood, that is dark, and that's the other good sign usually. Lets just hope it hurries itself along. Because there is nothing I can do about the mood in the meantime.

Last night I was supposed to go out with SA and his sister for dinner and tlsd was maybe going to join, but as it turned out SA was a spunk-bubble and didn't bother getting in touch until well late. I tried calling at one point and he answered only to tell me he'd call back later and 'later' was an hour so by then I'd made dinner and gotten comfortable on the sofa and was damn well not going out. Tlsd never called, so she either thinks I dissed her or didn't care, but I didn't diss her because I was in the process of getting dissed. She and I are supposed to go see a movie today, after I do this I'll see if she's still up for it.

Yesterday after a quick check of something I should have checked ages ago I came to the conclusion that Mr.Ball is seeing someone, and hence his general disappearance. I'm only finding this bewildering because of his absence. After all, he read these blogs from time to time, so knew what I was up to with Mr.Aloof, if he is seeing someone that's great for him, but to cut me out? That's strange. Possibly unpleasant even. And vaguely annoying. I don't like feeling that my friendship was dismissable. Whatever.

Regardless of if I see a movie today or not, I MUST STUDY. This is no joke. Less than two weeks now and I'm flying back and the truth is, I've been shit at studying lately. And this is part of the reason I am so distressed about these exams. My studying has gone to hell. I at least did my studying for the other exams when push came to shove. Well, this time, all the push is there, but I see no shove in return. I'm going to fail. Maybe part of me wants to fail. Maybe I'm tired of studying already. Maybe I'm tired of lots of things.

I keep having really strange dreams that are vivid and surreal. I wake up still in their grip, with memories of things that never happened, wishing that I could be someplace else, be someone else. Strange.

25 March 2006

Been Busy

I guess I haven't written since Wednesday, as I didn't say anything about my date. So lets start there. The date went alright. N was very nice and we certainly talked and talked for ages. I felt bad a ways into it as I was yawning and very tired, but he'd kept me past two hours... anyway, I tried to cover it up! Although it was very nice, I'm not sure I felt any 'attraction', though I've come to recognize that doesn't always matter. 'Repulsion' matters, but 'attraction' isn't always necessary. Anyway, I've not heard from him since, but I've not contacted him either so, we'll see.

Then the end of the week was completely subsumed by working on this tender that was due Friday at noon, which meant the courier was called for Friday morning 10:30. Of course, our marketing person Z was sick, P and M were both off on Wednesday, and it all fell onto me to pull this thing together. And I wanted to pull it all together because the project was interesting, and because I wanted to show that I can do well. But short of hands meant it fell to me to make it right. Luckily I had some good help during the day by CS and HvR (even though P had to beat him about the head to make him do anything) and then the star of the day/evening was tlsd who offered to chip in and help out and stay with me as long as it took. Which, was until 6am Friday morning. I haven't pulled an all-nighter since grad school. But we had good fun laughing through the evening and giggling through the work, so it didn't feel so terrible at all. So big gold star to tlsd for being an excellent friend who's willing to lend a hand.

On the plus side, I found out that the tender got us an interview that I'll be going to on Tuesday- so that's the next big step and means lots of preparation work on Monday. It would be a longshot for my firm to get the project, but then, stranger things have happened, anyway, fingers crossed, we'll see how it goes.

Studying has taken a bit of a nosedive, and so I'm going to settle down to do a bunch of that today. Tonight I'm meeting up with SA and his sister A who is in from the states. Tlsd and I met up with them this morning at the market. Where it was all a bit strange with the traders having signs about being mad at the council but with no information about what anyone could do about it. Very odd.

Anyway, two weeks now and it's back home and exam time. Just have to keep telling myself that to make myself study. I'm still very concerned that I'm not actually going to pass this time, but I'll do the best I can, and try again in August if I have to.

It's strange. For a while I felt like all things on the man front was positive, but I'm feeling very negative about it now. Letting go of Mr.Aloof, the disappearance of Mr.Ball, the dissatisfaction with the people I've been in contact with so far. There's no hope for me. I should stop trying.

22 March 2006


Well, date tonight and we'll see how that goes. This guy is interesting enough but comes with the responsibility of three kids and is about to go live on a boat. Really, he's going to have to be particularly good and interesting to overcome these unfortunate circumstances.

With less than three weeks until I'm off to New York I guess I'm not worrying about it all very much at the moment. It is how the pendulum usually swings with these things. Hopeful to hopeless and back again. I believe I am entering a hopeless phase. But that's okay, more time to study.

Working on this tender that is due Friday at noon, which is making me stay off the internet and away from IMing and the like. Which is good. But there is never enough time to do all the things that need doing. If only we had allowed enough time. If only. If only.

Too many movies out to go see. I'm afraid I'll end up missing some. I suppose if the date goes poorly, I can hop over to the cinema and catch one before it's gone. But I don't anticipate that being the case. Well, with my current luck though, you never know.

21 March 2006

Biznatch Tagged Me

Favorite color: For what? I do have lots of green clothes. But also brown. And that kingfisher blue. And orange. If I picked a favorite though, the other colors would be jealous (tlsd, please note correct spelling of 'favorite' and 'color')

Favorite eye color: Completely blacked out and all scary and shiny and shit like they do in the movies.

Favorite hair color: That's a dumb question. Clean, healthy, and non-greasy are far more important.

Favorite dish: Sushi, sushi, sushi, and when I'm done with that? More sushi.

Favorite drink: Sake martini or a really really good bloody mary, like the one I used to drink at the martian martini bar in St. Louis. However in this country where they can't make a good screwdriver? I'll take a Kriek.

Favorite Job you wish you had: independently wealthy erotica author.

Favorite film: Comedy - Raising Arizona, Drama - The Color Purple, Sexy - Dangerous Liaisons

Favorite song: Whatever most perfectly suits my mood at the time. Please refer to past blog entries for examples.

Favorite book: My specific illustrated version of Oscar Wilde's The Nightingale and the Rose. It may be the only book that has made me cry.

Favorite TV show: Is that like 'favorite air to breathe?' Next!

Favorite blog: Mine. You can't really love others until you learn to love yourself.

Favorite website: Please see list to your right.

Favorite evening out: Out? Out of where? You mean there's something outside this box?

Favorite holiday destination: Japan if we're picking places I know I like.

Favorite sexual position: With an honest to god man who knows what he's doing as opposed to the band of the hand.

Am I supposed to tag someone else? It didn't say to. So I guess biznatch, the game stops here. But it's not as good as my other games (see post below) oh no.. not as good at all. I've ALMOST won the cube now.... almost... *mutter*... almost...

20 March 2006

I Heart These People

About a year ago, I found this site. I played all fucking day until I won. I made tlsd play all day too. She gave up and I had to help her out. Now I see there are two more puzzles in addition to the one that captured my attention so long ago. Plus rock paper scissors. Fucking hell. Studying? What's that? I heart these people. I would have their children.Update: 21Mar06 12:02 I won I won I won I won!!!!!

In the Zone

As it stands right now, there is one date on Wednesday, one applicant who is on the verge of making a first-date, and two whom I have been emailing, but it could still go either way. There are others who have yet to send a reply to my last reply, so I'm not holding out much hope for them, but you never know. We'll see.

At work I am somewhat engrossed in a tender that our office is putting together. I just found out that SA's office is also putting in a tender and we have made an agreement to discreetly show each other our final tenders after they've been submitted. It would be nice to see what another office is putting together for a similar project- plus, his office is really different from mine, so it would be good to see in general. Of course neither of us may get an interview or the project, but it doesn't really matter so much as the knowledge gained from the illicit viewing.

After last night's movie viewing fiasco, tlsd and I are off to see Mirrormask tonight instead. Tickets were purchased at the ICA yesterday when they turned us away for being sold out. I'm looking forward to it, though I am a bit tired. And I'm having minor palpitations about the fact that my exams are in less than four weeks. In less than three weeks I will be flying back to the states. Fucking hell. I just don't feel ready. It's time to kick my own ass as it were.

There isn't much else to talk about really. Early dating rounds, work being what work is, upcoming trip and studying, a movie here or there. Yes, I'm officially boring. But I guess that's alright because I don't mind my own boring so much. Just not really sure what the rest of you are getting out of it. Aside from monkey toes that is.

19 March 2006

Internet Toys

Thanks for the heads up ky. It wasted an entire thirty minutes of my time and fostered at least as many minutes of pure entertainment... I'm thinking I got the evil smirk just about right.... and the colors as well. Too bad my usual colors happen to be prison colors... hehehe.


I have been having the strangest dreams lately. Really intense and vivid and completely mental. A couple nights ago I dreamt I was on some sort of 'challenge'. Or maybe it was a team building exercise. I'm sure the foundation was watching too many episodes of Brat Camp, but it wasn't a brat camp. Anyway, There was a whole mess of us, and we were climbing inside this large concrete tube, up a metal rung ladder sort of thing that went on forever. Some people in my group (who were some people in my real life) were racing ahead and some were still behind me. I was firmly in the middle. The entire climb up I'm just thinking that it's all good and no problem, until I emerge at the top to find that the 'task' is to jump off this platform thing that looks like a giant water tower. Clearly the people who went ahead have already jumped, and there I am at the top, suffering from extreme vertigo. In fact, I think the 'floor' slopes, to facilitate the jumping. People fall for a minute before hitting the water. You can see them like little specs, swimming back to the shore. Some people are going, and others, like me, are clinging to the railing for dear life. The 'councilor' or 'guide' came up after me and starts trying to talk me into jumping. I keep watching the scene, I keep feeling intense vertigo, and I don't jump.

Last night I was dreaming about being at work. About trigonometry (soh cah toa anyone?). About my desk being boxed in with filing cabinets. About riding some sort of crazy bicycle in traffic in the ice and snow. And something about my dad as well.

This morning I had a few emails from the prospectives to reply to. Cancelled date from last week is rescheduled for this week Wednesday now. I should number these guys or something until a 'name' for them becomes apparent, or necessary. But for right now they're just faceless masses.

I made myself some oatmeal from scratch for the first time in my life. I've eaten copious amounts of oatmeal in my lifetime, but always from the ready made packages- just add water and microwave. Making it from scratch with semi-skimmed milk was so much better, and really not that difficult. And extremely filling. I am stuffed now. Aren't oats supposed to be brain food? Because what I need to do now is sit down and study my ass off. Tlsd and I are going to see this movie later, which is cool, and it's on late late, which is also cool in terms of giving me time to study. But I just have to fucking do it. I'm telling you,where is a man with a big stick when you need one. Fuck but I'm lazy.

18 March 2006

Prelims Update

Well, I thought I'd give an update on my dating activities, not that I've had a date yet, and not that my cancelled date has even been rescheduled, but things are moving along, at a reasonable pace.

At the moment I am emailing quite a few people who have all sent me an introductory memo in the past week or two. A some sound alright, but I never get my hopes up early. I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than always disappointed. Of course, the ones that I'm emailing at the moment have been culled from the wider pool. One does get quite a few stupid, poorly written, or obnoxious memos as well. I never take such things personally, after all, these men don't know me from their mothers- but it's still annoying having to sort through them.

My least favorite memo, and the most popular that I've received is the, "Hi. My name is blahblahblah. Your profile looks cool and I see you are online, wanna chat?" Let me resoundingly assure you that whenever I get one of these memos, the only word that fills my head, my soul, and the very core of my being is NO!

I always get one here or there that sounds reasonable until the, "and by the way, I"m married, but my wife doesn't share my interests and I think we could help each other in this respect." How? How exactly does that help me out? It clearly says in my profile as well that those who are married are not acceptable, no exceptions. It's even pretty early on, like in the first or second paragraph. Which I always point out in my very short and curt reply. Funny, I never hear back again from those guys.

Then the rest of the rejects fall into an assortment of categories. The belligerents are my favorites. Those who don't understand why I don't want to chat online with them because they want to. Who try to email me but end up just whinging about how they feel like they're jumping through hoops for me. What's the matter boys? Not very dominant feeling? Fuckers. Clearly I'm not what you're looking for, so just walk away. But funny enough, they just keep coming back for more abuse. Closet masochists I think.

So far one of my favorites has been from this French guy that went something like this (edited for brevity):
"Greetings delicious kitten..... it would be exquisite pleasure to help you explore a limits you might never have dreamt of.... I adore both physical and mental control of every single bodily and mental faculty, and I wish to teach an eventual handmaiden the deepest most exquisite skills.... I'm deeply into distance control too, but will require occasional meetings as a minimum, I come to UK regularly because I'm a successful independent architect with contacts in the UK.... I wish to warp, to change you, to release your innermost secret desires. Mine are pitch black and you will perhaps shudder before trembling with excitement.... I will cast the spell you might require as soon as you place yourself in My sensual hands, let yourself nestle into My warm fatherly powerful embrace and let your mind wander to mirror My passionate thoughts.... come kitten and come to Me now"

17 March 2006

Green Leather, 2

Once upon a time, I commented on the acquisition of my green leather. I said I would post some photos. Well, I had my lounge light on the floor for a year before I put it up! What else would one expect? However, eventually I get around to things, and since it seems to be becoming a mystical reference, I thought I'd get around to it. And well, here they are.

Since that original post, there have been various references along the way about it's occasional use.

How it was stiff, and needed to be broken in.

And it was broken in a bit, a good time being had by all....

But really, it still looks pristine. I guess I've only barely scratched the surface.... *smirk*

How I love my green leather.

16 March 2006

Ole One Leg

tlsd - "Did you see that guy the other day with the one really large fat leg?"

Um.... That wasn't his leg.

*descend in the parking lot to doubling over with laughter*

Get confronted by the receptionist who wants to know what's so funny, so tlsd tries again.

"No, did you see that guy the other day with the one really large fat leg? He had one normal leg *makes motion in air to show a thin leg* and one really large leg *makes motion in air to show an elephant leg*. I mean, it was like he had three legs!"

*insert copious peals of laughter and furious blushing on the part of ms.tlsd who didn't actually mean it that way*

15 March 2006

Last Night or One Down

Right, so where was I? I was writing about how boring my week was to be when Mr.Aloof started emailing me to come over to his. I know, I know. Go over to his? When he's been a shit? He should come to mine! Yes, but, that's not the way it all works. And so, the email exchange continued throughout the afternoon with banter and photographs to illustrate points. I left work and went home to pack an overnight bag. Tricky of course, to pack an overnight bag which includes your clothes and stuff for a date the next day, but hey, I'm talented.

So Mr.Aloof had said he would be at his place by eight and I said I'd get there before nine. Purposefully making myself wait to catch the later train to get there closer to nine than to eight. After an uneventful journey I arrived at the warehouse. I texted to be let in, and he came down and got me. Getting into the elevator and going to the top floor. I thought he'd moved out of the warehouse since it had been sold, but the new owners have apparently asked him to stay on as caretaker for another couple months, so he moved everything back in as well as making some positive adjustments (like moving the kitchen up to the loft as well as fixing the toilet so now everything one could want is on the same floor).

Pouring me a glass of wine, I saw he had a video in the player and noticed with some amusement that it was Baraka, which I own, and had on last weekend when SP and tlsd were over as background. So with wine glasses in hand, we settled into the sofa, me in the back supporting position and him laying into me. We chatted and drank and watched the movie and I occasionally poked him in the head and pulled his hair because he deserved it.

Eventually the movie ended and I had to pee like a racehorse, so I unentangled myself from the sofa and went off to do my business and came back with some juice (the wine was now gone) and some grapes. He had asked me to grab the grapes on the way back, but while I was gone, stretched out to take over the entire sofa, leaving me the beanbag poof. So I sat on the poof and fed myself grapes while generally keeping them out of his reach. Eventually the grapes were gone as well and he got up to go to the toilet or kitchen or something or other. Seizing the opportunity, I sprawled out on the recently vacated sofa.

When he came back, he looked at me askance before sprawling out on top of me, which wasn't particularly uncomfortable. Sitting back up over my lower back and thighs he started massaging my back neck and hair. I'm always a sucker for neck and hair, and back is pretty good too. After some time of this he pulled my arms back behind me, positioning them so my elbows touched. 'See,' he said, 'they can touch.'

This was a comment directly related to some of the earlier emailing in which he had sent me a photo of a woman tied with rope, arms behind her back and I think I had sent something back saying I didn't think I was flexible enough for my elbows to touch. He continued stroking me, and positioning my arms. Then his hands were tugging my shirt up, over my head- and while I pulled it off the rest of the way, he was undoing my bra. He got off me then to rummage through a box or bag, returning with some rope.

It took some time for him to tie my arms behind my back, wrists together, elbows touching. Although not uncomfortable to be pulled and stretch this way, it's not a position I can hold on my own or reach without assistance. So he had to simultaneously secure my arms with his other hand or legs while securing the rope (which is tricky anyway, so as not to unduly cut of circulation or otherwise damage). After some time, I felt him tucking in the rope ends and noted that my arms were now securely behind me, acting as a single entity. It was a strange sensation, and had the added side affect of causing me to push my chest forward, which I'm sure was appreciated. He wandered away again and I lay there on the sofa bound, getting a feel for the restraint.

When he returned, he helped me slide off the sofa and then rise to my feet. A cushion had been arranged on one end of a long table and he stood me at the end. Undoing my belt and jeans he pushed them and my panties down to my ankles where I stepped out of it all and he picked them up and moved them away. Then he guided me forward, to kneel on the cushion. At this point, I was just beginning to feel a slight strain in my arms. I sat and waited as he went and got another length of rope. Coming behind me, he lifted my unified arm up and away forcing me to my knees and forward. I could feel the rope being secured to the existing rope and secured again, anchoring my hands up and away from my body. I realized he'd positioned me under a rafter and connected me to it.

With my arms held up and away, my limited mobility became even more limited. Circling behind me, he ran his fingers along my skin, along the ropes, through my hair, across my cheek, along my breasts, between my legs. I was more than ready for such attentions. After all, it was my general motivation for going. So sensitive, and so ready, it didn't take very long for small fireworks to be popping in my head. But that was really just the beginning. He would alternate between touching me all over, and touching me there, renewing the sensations again and again until it was almost painful. He left me again and I sagged into the rope, thighs trembling. He returned with the bar-gag and his whip.

I was glad it was the bar-gag as I'm not entirely sure I would have been up for the ball gag. But the bar-gag is easy, and suits it's purpose. Once it was in place, he touched me briefly again, and then stepped back behind me and I prepared for the impact. I didn't have to wait very long. Lightly he whipped me, across my back, bottom, and thighs. Wrapping the whip to reach my stomach, and my breasts. Taking a break from that, he returned to reigniting fireworks before whipping me again.

I don't know how many times he alternated back and forth. And finally putting the whip away, and removing the gag, went back to the touching cycle again. I know that I lost sensation in my hands, and that when he released the rope connecting me to the rafters, I collapsed forward in a position similar to Child's Pose in yoga. As he released the ropes on my arms and the blood returned, the tingling started. My hands felt clumsy and the tickle of sensation returning seemed wired to the rest of the sensation coursing along my skin. But if I thought he would let me rest, I was mistaken, and lifting me to cradle me in his arms, he reached between my legs again, and it seemed like it wouldn't end as I happily floated away in my own little world.

Although of course it did. And he laid me back down on the cushion gently and went moving about the loft while I lay there, chilling. I heard him filling the bath which was behind me, and saw him getting clean towels. 'Do you want to take a bath?' he asked me, and I think I said sure.

Getting in first, he helped me step in and I settled back between his legs, resting on his chest. The water was quite soothing, and so was his idly stroking my arm. I think that's the most relaxed I've ever been in a bath honestly, being more of a shower girl myself. It was peaceful and relaxing resting by candlelight while the water cooled. Eventually we got out, and toweled off. And he led me to bed.

And then.... we slept. No sex. No sex at the beginning of the night, no sex in the middle of the night, no sex in the morning. Which was disappointing in a way, because I like sex. I mean, not that I was complaining about overall attention in my direction, but there was no activity during any part of the evening or morning that was particularly about his pleasure- though I am a fairly tactile person and I'm sure there was general touching that was nice, if I made a move towards his cock, he would gently reposition out of my reach. Then it was up in the morning, ready to go to work and a lift to the station and here I am.

Tlsd thinks that perhaps he was punishing himself by denying himself pleasures- since he's been such complete shit since the beginning of the year. We also hypothesized that he wanted to avoid intimacies where he was actively involved, because it would keep his emotions free of it all. Meaning, for him to do things to me as opposed to with me lets him keep his emotions from getting involved. Maybe. I don't know. To me what it felt like was when we first started seeing each other and did lots of things but didn't have sex. I really don't know what to make of that. In fact I'm not really sure what to make of any of it. Nothing has changed from how it was, nothing of importance was discussed. *shrug* I don't know.

Anyway, date tonight with Applicant Number One. Update to follow. Oh wait, what is it with me and publishing my blog when new information comes in? Date cancelled due to child teacher meeting. Due to be rescheduled for next week. Well, sleep does sound nice....

14 March 2006


This week is a slow one so far. There is really not much going on in respect to me. Since my boss is away until Thursday, I have little to do today and tomorrow. Of course by Thursday I'll be very busy again. There are some things I can do now, but not so many, and when they are done, I will literally have nothing. I wish my work was more steady sometimes. A sort of 'even hum'. I hate this feast or famine bullshit. But I guess it keeps things interesting.

Tomorrow is only interesting because the highlight will be a first meet with the first prospective. Just a drink somewhere in Islington. The plus sides so far are that he is a good email correspondent and we seem to have things to chat about. He also hasn't pushed any of the bdsm stuff, which I hate when people start pushing that right away. It generally means there is probably little else to talk about, ie, no connection. His picture wasn't half bad either. Downside, divorced with three kids and about to go live on a boat. Didn't I just do three kids and a boat? That doesn't bode very well. At all. Anyway, we'll see. Open mind and all that.

They say you're in trouble if you lie to your priest and your shrink. Is a blog the same? Is avoiding sharing information the same as lying? Blah.

It's quite possible I'm also going south to see Mr.Aloof tonight. I know, I know. No, really I KNOW. Still. I'm still looking. I'm still trying to move on. And I'm still going.

Blah. Updates will be coming, obviously.

13 March 2006

To Barking and Back

This morning there was a bit of hubbub at home as flatmate D still had girlfriend V over. He was asking me if it was alright that she stay past us and lock the door on her way out, which I said was fine, as long as he showed her how to really lock the door, as I noticed she had left it unlocked when she went to move her car. He was going to giver her his keys, and just meet me at home later, and I said no, why don't you give her the spare key. Which apparently flew out of my mind when I left for work and suddenly realized I'd left my own keys inside. So I was knocking on the door for V to let me back in so I could get my keys. Wasn't that handy?

Then I got to work and remembered that I was actually supposed to be going on a site visit to Barking for a tender that our office is putting together. If I'd been smart, I would have taken what I needed with me so that I could go straight from home, but I forgot everything, so off to work I went. Picked up my maps and checked on journey planner, and it was back to public transport. It takes a while to get to Barking, which was good, because that way I could read the brief on the way (which I was supposed to be reading last week). Getting there, it wasn't quite as awful as I remembered. SA was living in Barking the past two years with annoying boyfriend T, and I'd been out there a couple of times. But around the station isn't nearly as horrible as T's neighborhood. So I walked all over this area, which wasn't exactly small. There was a massive construction site, and it didn't match my plan, so I went to the site office and figured I'd ask if they had a plan of the project, to update my own plans. And so I got a hardhat and an escort and was brought to see the site manager which was pretty cool. It actually made me miss architecture for a moment. Being on a major construction site. The guy was really nice and gave me a plan as well. Bonus.

So more walking around and I realized I was gong to miss lunch so decided to eat in the town center. Found a Turkish place and had a chicken donner plate with a coke for four pounds. I mean, that's even better than Dalston. Though it wasn't as good as the Turkish in Dalston, but I haven't found a place in Dalston to get chicken donner since my old favorite Turkish closed. So again, bonus.

Got back to the office about an hour after I intended only to find boss PH is gone until Thursday. Oops. I think he had wanted to take some of these pictures with him. On the other hand, when was he going to look at pictures in Mipim? Answer, he won't. So it's not that big a deal. Of course I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to be doing this week then. What's that? Internet did you say? Why yes thank you!

In other news, I'm supposed to meet prospective number one for coffee sometime, or at least, the offer to meet up for coffee has been put on the table. At the moment I'm considering Thursday. I also have a slew of emails to get back to now as well. I may have to pull my ad just to give me time to reply to all the people that have contacted me now. Preliminarys may be ending and it's time for round one!

11 March 2006

Saturday Morning

How come every time I go to Broadway Market I always end up with something I didn't mean to get? Of course, I'm not really complaining about this, as I like all the things I end up with... but lets face it, I was never born to lead the life of a monk, forsaking all earthly delights.

At the moment as I type this I am looking at my new ring. I am really pleased with it, aside from it being either bronze or copper or brass (haven't worked that out exactly) it's got cool circles and stuff. Perhaps I'll take a picture some day and put it up here. At the moment I'm feeling too lazy.

I also ended up buying this bag that I've been eyeballing for the past few weeks as it was half price on sale. I figure it will make a good replacement overnight bag, assuming I ever get a chance to have overnights again. Certainly more stylish and attractive than my bright blue backpack that I was using. So in both cases, good purchases, but not at all intentional.

While out, tlsd and I also got to experience about thirty seconds of snow, which I always enjoy. Even though there's no indication that it ever really happened. We met up with SA at the corner coffee shop for yummy hot chocolate and cheesecake where SA finally gave me my xmas presents and I gave him his 'love cock' from Portugal.

Again, it was a late start that means a bunch of my Saturday seems gone now. Tlsd and I may go to a movie later, if we can find a movie and time that we can agree on. We want to see different movies, which is only funny because we each want to see both movies, but want to see different ones first. Go figure.

Need to get some good studying in this weekend. Bah humbug.
Didn't actually have pie and mash this week, had pork sandwich instead. But pie and mash is so goooooood. Maybe next week...

10 March 2006

Looking for Inspiration

I seem to be lacking it at the moment. I go through phases like this sometimes. Where I feel like I am going through the motions. Where nothing is good or bad, positive or negative, exciting or not exciting, everything just is.

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

Is this state of one-ness, of nothing-ness the state that Oriental philosophers strive for? How mind-numbingly dull. And that's exactly it really, I'm feeling numb and also dull. This is not a state to strive for.

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

No more applicants at the moment. And I'm not charmed by the ones that have applied so far. I guess I'll just have to give that one some time.

I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feeling disappears
You are someone else
I am still right here

Mr.Aloof sent me an email. Short, and generally lacking in content. This sort of contact makes me hurt again. I cannot bring myself to axe it properly, and I cannot force my feelings to suddenly stop. Sad.

What have I become?
My sweetest friend

Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

The studying is still kicking my ass. Very slow progress on this one. Painstakingly slow. Torturous. See, this would be a good time to have a dominant partner. They could whip me into studying, literally. Unfortunately, I just have to do it the boring way on my own. And it's dreary.

You could have it all
My empire of dirt

I will let you down

I will make you hurt

If I could start again

A million miles away

I would keep myself

I would find a way

Now before anyone gets their panties in a bunch about the lyrics verbatim, remember, it's normally only a line or two, or the overall mood or tone that makes a song appropriate. I'm hardly going to go shoot up heroin, and I'm not that fucking depressed. This is just the song playing in my mind, the Johnny Cash version of course.

09 March 2006


Many people keep quasi-anonymous blogs. Not giving their full names, not posting their pictures, not using their friends full names, often relegated to nicknames or initials. I fall into this general category. I never started a blog to share with my friends, I started this blog for me. Because I was bored, because I knew I liked writing, and because it would give me a place to collect certain things I had come across on the internet. And really because it was something I could do at work and I'd long since reached the 'end of the internet page'.

Am I happy to have picked up some random readers from around the world? Yes. Do I like checking my statcounter to see who has logged in and how many hits I get on a given day? Yes. Do I enable comments on my blog so that the masses can speak back to me? Yes. But there's a time and a place everyone, time and a place. And a line. A rather generous line, but there's still a line, and I don't encourage anyone to cross it.

This is my space, where I have ultimate control to talk about things that I have on my mind. To publish posts or delete posts or even this entire blog, if I wanted to, as I see fit. I also exercise that same right over comments. I have deleted links to poker sites and loan sites and Jesus sites and hardcore porn sites and anything else that I didn't feel was appropriate to my space, my blog.

Now, lest you forget, valiant and gentle reader, that when you enter these particular pages of bits and bytes, that you have entered my own little realm and slice of the universe, where I wield the ultimate power of life and death over everything contained within its borders. I'll just sit quietly beside you, perhaps put my hand on your thigh, lean into you and whisper ever so softly into your ear so that my hair tickles your neck and you can feel the warmth of my breath, and say while digging my nails in...

A blog is not a democracy. If you want to feel empowered, go fucking get your own.

08 March 2006

The Preliminary Rounds

Although I still feel intermittently sad about the departed Mr.Aloof, I am getting on with things. Mainly, I have put a personals ad on active on three separate sites. Two are bdsm based, and one is linked to Nerve, which should at least make the other listers at least somewhat deviant, or at least, interested in or at the very least tolerant of the deviant. So far the only responses I've had have come from my usual site, which is not particularly unexpected, but it also means there are a lot to weed out. So far, there are three of possible interest, which means, probably none. But I'll go through the exercise, if only to get myself back into the swing of things.

In the meantime, yesterday included the highlight of a particularly naughty flirt with Mr.Ball on IM at work. Apparently he's been away which is why he wasn't around to entertain me as usual on the weekend. Strange one, Mr.Ball. Not at all sure what to make of him. When we first met, I was in much the situation I am now. Perhaps slightly further along into the first rounds. But I met him right after I met Mr.Aloof. And while I liked Mr.Ball, Mr.Aloof was intriguing and mysterious... aloof even, and therefore, safe, and appealing to my non-trusting nature. Still, we got on alright, but then he had a bit of a freakout somewhat after about thinking I wanted a 'R'elationship. Which was a bit strange I thought, and unfounded, having only met once, and given the unbenknownst to him fact I was also entertaining Mr.Aloof. And it all sort of fell out from there. He made no advances, Mr.Aloof did, and the rest was somewhat history. Except....

Except that for the past year we never quite gave up chatting with flirty overtones. There was the one time since that we've met- with the undefined goodbye kiss(es) and then yesterday. How am I supposed to know what to think? I've said to tlsd in the past year, while I was involved with Mr.Aloof that Mr.Ball has always posed a strange contradiction to my pursuits. That he provides a level of discussion, understanding, and friendship that was completely absent from my interactions with Mr.Aloof. Except he is aloof in his own way, being mostly a construct of bits and bytes. The thing is, while he knows about Mr.Aloof, I know nothing of his relations, current, or in the past year. Hell, though I am pretty sure I made him tell me once, I don't even know his last name.

I don't know. It seems to me that by the enforced distance and lack of real life contact in the last year, that he's made his position somewhat clear. And the flirting is just so. Its just that it plays on my mind now, that I'm looking again. To have someone I am more familiar with, who is easy to chat to, who shares certain interests, as well as a host of others. I think I should stop thinking about it really and get back to sorting all the pending applications.

07 March 2006

Panty Hampster

Ever wonder what word you could use to describe your afro clam? Feel ashamed when referring to your beef jacket? Not sure how to talk in public about your cha-cha? Want to tell someone politely that their droog smells? Or that their skirt is too short and their easy bake oven is on show? Maybe you just want to ask your friend while trying on clothes if your framazama is visible? Or perhaps you want to ask your man if he'd spend more time with giner? Or perhaps you just want to tell him to leave your hot box alone? Maybe you want to ask your girl how she likes her illnana touched? Or if you can taste her juice box? Possibly you want to tell her how tight her koo koo is? Just don't tell her that her lap flounder isn't tight enough! Though you can always suggest a shower if her munch box is funky. Would you like to compare her ninja slipper to a flower? Or ask your doctor how to strengthen your oonie muscles? Are you shopping online for a friend for your quinnie? Or going to the beautician to get your red snapper waxed? Or do you like to pluck your sword swallower yourself? Well, if ever you are confused about your tulip, or need a better word for your upside down taco, or someone else's veeg, never fear, help is here. Owners of a wookie and friends of those with a yoni will never be in doubt again. Rejoice! And while you're there, check out the other euphemism links from the adult humor link at the top of the page.

White Girl Gangsta

Of the few things I miss from home, comedy sketch shows are one of them. Of course the good thing about watching comedy sketch shows in the US is to go on about how bad they are most of the time and not funny. But occasionally they issue something stellar. This isn't stellar, like, for example, the SNL spoof of the first presidential debate, but it's pretty fucking entertaining. And lord knows we can all use some entertaining about now. Thanks to boing boing for the heads up and the image.

06 March 2006


Nothing like other people's problems to make your own seem less overwhelming. I didn't get much done this weekend I intended to. My Sunday started off alright, but quickly degenerated, but I'll get to that in a bit.

Ever notice that silly rule that bad things come in threes? It is just a little odd that this past two weeks there have been two sets of threes, all about me and my friends and our relationships. There have been three break-ups, and there have been three men cheating, with some overlap. What the fuck is wrong with men? I've also heard it said that February is tough on relationships. I guess that's true as well. Just complete madness if you ask me.

At any rate, Sunday I had gone to the gym and was just getting up to go get a shower and do some studying and had just turned my computer off when I got a call from SP. She was freaking out, locked in her bedroom and her boyfriend was in the shower downstairs. She'd checked his phone and found an inappropriate text and was losing her shit completely and didn't know what to do. Although what she did was wrong, this was really just the last straw in a much bigger picture, as this is the same SP from this story. They've been in counseling, but it's not been moving along that well, and there's been lots of tension still. So really, this was just the end. Throughout everything they've been through SP would always say out of all things, this was the one area where she trusted him implicitly. Even when other people would listen to the story and wonder. In fact, Saturday morning as she sat with me and tlsd in the Corner Coffee place, she was saying that she trusted him in this one way and that she knew he would never do that to her. So that was really just it. Nothing left.

I managed to convince her to leave the house and come straight to mine. I was concerned if she got into it with him there, that the argument would be explosive and potentially violent. It certainly wasn't going to be productive. I was worried about her and I was glad she left. So she came to mine and I called tsld who had been coming over anyway and filled her in and she came by as well and we stayed with her and talked to her and empathized with her and hugged her and fed her until she was more calm, and knew what she needed to do. And then she did it. And tlsd had to go home, and we stayed up talking a couple more hours, and finally some sleep.

Of course, it's not so easy to end relationships where you have jointly bought property, furniture, etc. But at least she also knows that she's done everything she can to try to make it work, and accepts that it's no longer possible. She's reached the end of the line. That's a positive. Never getting closure however, never getting the answers to why- it's the scars you're left behind with, and that's shit.

So I didn't take a shower, I didn't get to study. I did make the smoked fish salad again that turned out super tasty again. And I didn't get to sleep until two in the morning and damn I am fucking tired. And I have a headache. But at least I'm not quite as melancholic about my own problems.

05 March 2006

Nerdier Than....

I am nerdier than 88% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

I especially liked where they ask you why you were taking the test and of course I checked, 'to prove that I am more nerdier than someone else'. And it's true! It's all true!

I did manage to go to the gym this morning for an extended session. And did some grocery shopping. But everything else on my list has yet to be done. Though I still have time, I'm going to turn the computer off. That should help. Stupid nerd.


This is the word that would sum up my recent feelings.

Yesterday I contemplated for longer than was probably healthy what will happen when my mother dies. If I still live here. How without siblings or close relatives I will be forced to handle all the necessities on my own. My mother was one year younger than me when her father died. Then I forced myself to stop thinking about it, because it wasn't a nice thing to think about at all.

I have been trying to manage my feelings of loss in regards to Mr.Aloof. I want an email from him, but he won't email me anytime soon. I want to talk to him, but he wouldn't answer the phone. I want to see him, but he won't meet with me. I still want to sleep with him, well, if I can't get all the rest, that ain't never going to happen. I feel sadness for the loss of things I never even had to begin with. How ridiculous.

Last night people from work went out and I did not feel social. I tried to be social, which worked alright while we still had drinks at the office. But when the crowd moved from the office to the Wellington, every step I took I dreaded. While walking there in our scattered group, everyone was talking to someone but me. It would have been hard to feel more left out. When I got to the pub, it was crowded, and the group already arrived was in a tight circle and I just didn't have the interest or energy to push in. I thought if I made myself go to the pub I would be able to be social, but I couldn't make myself do it, so I turned around and left.

I've started up with my new personals ads. Perhaps not the best time? But I need something else to move forward on. I can't keep wishing that the present or the past were different from what it was. That isn't going to get me anywhere.

Tomorrow I will try to go to the gym in the morning and pick up a couple things at the grocery store and then I plan to shut myself into my house and not speak to or see anyone in particular. I will of course, speak to people. But I think I will enjoy being alone.

03 March 2006

BDSM Dating Hassles (2)

How much do I hate the very prospect of dating? In general, this has been something I've had minimal experience with in my lifetime. I simply don't date. It's not a conscious choice mind you, it just sort of worked out that way. And I've rarely had relationships. Truth be told, I've spent the majority of my time on my own.

As a teenager and in my early to mid twenties, this irregularity in comparison to everyone else around me was a sure sign that I was defective in some manner or other, and clearly not deserving of dating and all the things that go along with it. And so my life this past year and a half is not at all indicative of what came before it. And I'm not unhappy about that at all, but sometimes I think I have some catching up to do. And sometimes, I still think that I'm somehow defective.

And so now the need to gear up and do it all over again is upon me. I am so unenthused. In general, I tend to use the internet for these endeavors. I've had reasonable luck with internet dating as long as you stick to a couple rules, it tends to work okay. First and most importantly, once you think you are interested, set up a meeting. Do not, I repeat, do not continue with an email/messenger flirtation and drag out something that may or may not exist in real life. Bite the bullet and meet that person. Of course, this assumes you have gotten a photograph in advance of meeting. If a photograph isn't on the profile, this is something that should happen immediately. Fuck what people say about 'looks don't really matter'. That's crap and it works both ways. Looks do matter. Especially when you meet in this way. It's not like you've been working together for years and so are used to, or can easily overlook how someone's appearance is not what you normally go for. For new people, looks will matter, and anyone who says otherwise is a liar.

So far, everything I've said applies to any internet dating and dating in general. It's not that it's different if you start looking in bdsm only venues, but there are added complications. Some of which I've already discussed here. Added complications of specific bdsm dating are: the percentage increase in the number of freaks and wierdos, the tendency to meet people who want to jump immediately into exclusive and intense relationships, the difficulty in casually dating anyway if the results of your dating remains as marks on your skin for a week or two at a time. Initially however, it's the first that is the most daunting. I'm not particularly unusual or freakish in any discernible way, but I do like my sex rough and with a power exchange. I'm not intending to be mean, only to say that those who are 'so' into their sexuality and/or mix it up with body modifications, being goth, or otherwise 'counter culture' aren't going to do it for me and vice versa. And there a lot of them.

I know that by opting to look in the bdsm arena I'm excluding lots of people. But on the other hand, I wouldn't be happy with someone who wasn't interested or didn't enjoy these things. So fucking complicated. Dating blows.

02 March 2006

Nothing Clean

While it's completely probably that what I want to ramble on about is how my laundry is still not done this week and so I have nothing clean to wear, this is not what I am thinking about, though it is not only true, but fits the subject.

No, what I want to talk about is how the only thing I have on my mind regards the most intimate part of my anatomy. And it's been on my mind for days. Except, with the current visitor influx I feel as though if I talk about what I'm actually thinking about, then I'll just be accused of pandering to my new viewers.

Also, the picture I want to post is so completely not suitable for innocent browsing I feel like I'm going to get flagged or something if I post it. Whatever is a girl to do.

Well, the first thing on my mind is not so complicated. Simply put, fuck- why do I always forget not to shave the short and curlys too close!!! Just put the razor away K, and get the trimmer. Is that so hard? Is that so difficult? But no. On Monday it might have been, I was doing the regular side shaving when I decided there were a couple strays a bit closer in, a bit further down that I would just slice away with the razor in hand. Within five hours I was regretting this decision. Poke poke poke poke poke. It is the most frustrating, arousing, and itchy sensation you could possibly give yourself, without the ability to reverse the situation. I'm going to have to just suffer while it grows out.

Apparently I have about a ten month memory for this particular subject matter, since I clearly already discussed it right on this very blog right here. Duh.

The second thing that I've been obsessing over is that I think my privates are slightly irregular. But maybe I'll just keep those musings to myself. Or between me and SH. See, I'm not kidding when I say it's been on my mind. We discussed (and compared) in Portugal.....

01 March 2006


Wow! Look at those blog hits. Welcome fellow kinksters. Many thanks to Patty for the prominent link in her most recent post. I feel like I have a bunch of guests with an empty larder and am ashamed because of it. Scrolling on this front page, you will see no signs of kink (I don't think, well wait, there is a figging reference in one of the duck posts, but still). It's been a while since I've had a pornalong post you see, because my most recent pornalong partner seems to have recently departed, and I haven't quite mustered up the patience and tolerance to plunge into the bdsm dating pool again quite yet (oh, it's coming, give it a week or so). Of course, then I'll spend a bunch of weeks posting about all the 'kneel slut' emails I get along with descriptions of the photos of men old enough to be my father even though my profile says no one more than 15 years older than me. So... sorry to disappoint since you jumped here from such a prolific and exciting blog to find me nattering on about how I cooked a duck (but it was a really tasty duck, truly). But don't despair. There will be porn here again, damnit. Even if I have to beat my own ass to get it (seriously, it could be getting to that point....).

And Then?

Reproduced here without any sort of right or permission, the absolute funniest fucking thing from "Dude, Where's My Car?". I don't think it has the same power in written form, but trust me. It's fucking hilarious.

Yeah, hey you know what we should do now?


No. Eat.

Choice excellent my friend. I'll get the keys.

Nelson, let me order

Chinese Foooood. May I help you?

Yeah. I'd like to place an order.

What would you like?

Yeah, I'd like three orders of garlic chicken.

And then?

And then three orders of white rice.

And then?

And then..., you guys want soup?


Yeah, three orders of wanton soup.

And then?

Oh, ah, some fortune cookies too.

And then?

That's it. I think that's about it.

And then?

No. That's it.

And then?

No 'and then'. I..., I..., that's all I want.

And then?

And then, and then, and then I'm, then nothing else coz I'm done ordering. OK?

And then?

No. No. See, all I want is the three orders of the garlic chicken and the three orders of the white rice.

And then?

And the soup dude.

Oh, and the wanton soup.

And then?

And the cookies fortune.

And the fortuen cookies, yes. So it's just the, it's the, the chicken... the rice, the soup and the fortune cookies and that's it.

And then?

And then you can put it in a brown paper bag and come put it in my hand coz I'm ready to eat.

And then?

I refuse to play your chinese food mind games! No, No 'and then'!

And then?

No 'and then'!

And then?

No 'and then'!

And then?

No 'and then'!

And then?

No, no 'and then'!

And then?

You're really starting to piss me off lady!

And then?

And then I'm gonna come in there... and I'm gonna put my foot in your ass if you say 'and then' again!

And then? And then? And then? And then? And then?

And then?

Come on Nelson! Just help us find my car!