It hits me when I have worked at some temporary job and the time has come for me to leave. I think I shouldn't. I think I should stay.
It hits me when I leave a place that I have lived (and I've left a few). That maybe I should stay put, just keep doing what I'm doing.
It's not that I think it's selfish to do things for myself. And it's not that at all these moments of conflicted loyalty in my life, I made anything except the correct decision.
But I find it an impossibility in relationships. How to stay impervious to attachment. I am trying to work out in my head if my loyalty to Mr.Aloof is warranted or not. Objective me says no way. Except I like him. And I want things.... and I want him to want them too. Maybe he does. But I can't figure it out. In the meantime, life is passing me by.
Would that I could rip out my emotional core. Beat it to a bloody pulp and lock it in a box in the attic.
At least my lecture is creeping along. This is going to be a rough week I think.
2 comments:
I guess you could just hold out and see what happens. Hope things between you two work out.
In the meantime, have a happy 'Merica Day. I'll buy you a Red Bull.
---X
thanks for the holiday wishes. i almost forgot... ;)
yeah.. we'll see what happens. i'm just feeling disgruntled at the moment....
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