Doubt

I spent a good many years of my life avoiding relationships. For any number of reasons. In the past year, I changed all that, and took an active step towards pursuing relationships. This has worked out somewhat well. I suppose it depends what aspect you may be looking at.

At the moment however, I'm looking at the bad aspect. Tuesday I was supposed to meet up with Mr.Aloof for dinner or drinks. But he ended up busy working and while I spoke to him at almost ten, it was clear he wasn't going to make it. He promised me however, that we would have plans today. Insisted in fact. Told me to write it in my diary in pen. Which I did.

Have I heard from him since Tuesday night? Not a word.

So it's Friday morning. I am trying to hold onto feeble hope that he will appear some time today and this worry will be in vain. But a small voice, which is actually not so small, is suggesting to me that he is not going to appear. That he's vanished. Like he did before.

So which will it be? I hate waiting. I hate not knowing. What the is wrong with people??

*grumble*

In the meantime, I am not impressed by assholes trying to copycat bomb trains and buses. Fuckers should have blown themselves up. They're going to be caught. I hope they end up in prison for the rest of their lives learning what fear is really all about. "When you're in prison, don't pick up the soap...."

No matter what though, it's finally Friday. C is away for the whole weekend so I have my flat to myself. If Mr.Aloof isn't part of it, I feel a seriously productive weekend coming on. Taking out my aggression on all the things that need doing in my flat. Perhaps I should get pissed off more often. The antidote to my slack nature!

Seriously though. Things shouldn't be so hard. I need some spontaneous happiness, and I need it soon.