So, onto the post.
Tonight I am seeing Mr.Aloof. Originally there had been talk of meeting up this weekend. Or at the end of last week. This was all thwarted by some family emergency for which Mr.Aloof had to rush off to Wales to deal with, and did not return until today. Over the weekend, I sent my schedule for the week, seeing as how four out of five days I am traveling south of the river. It just seemed convenient even though it honestly takes me nearly as long to get from where I do the consultation to his as it does from my house to get to his. The London travel '45-minute' rule. Anyway I digress. Yesterday, after little word (read, two texts) in an entire week I got this response to my schedule:
> tuesday night, i've got a consultation from 6:30-8ish
And then you have a detention.
A detention. The last time we met, which I only referenced briefly here, there was a detention. Bdsm play is always a balance of preference. There is no one way to play. The time two weeks before the detention was much more in keeping with my fantasies. If pressed I would suggest that Mr.Aloof is not so much the sadist as I am the masochist. His desires are firmly rooted in objective control. But always, always, there is the power exchange which I find intoxicating.
And so since yesterday's short email, I find I am on edge with anticipation. What devious challenge is in store for me tonight? And will it be stricter than last time? Well, I would argue it must be. I know I did not go into detail, but as I anticipate the night's possibilities, I will use this time to reflect on the past, and on what is yet unsaid.
Last time I saw Mr.Aloof, the last time we played, I ended up naked, alone, and chained to and in a cold dark room on the ground floor of the warehouse. My arms bound behind my back, I had been led forcefully, frighteningly, blindfolded and running, to the room. Still blindfolded I heard the cold chains before I felt them- tightening around my body. When I was secured, he removed the blindfold and I could see the room. Perhaps 4x5 meters. Empty. Dark but lit by a candle on a high shelf I could not see. An electric heater was set low along the nearest wall. A row of high pegs along another held my recently removed robe and a jacket on top of it. There was a small palette on the floor covered in some sort of fabric.
He left me. And it was cold. The concrete floor sapping all the heat from my feet. The chains taking ages to warm against my skin, drawing out additional heat. I could move in an arc dictated by the high point the chain was fastened to, not to the door. Not even to the halfway point in the room. I went to go make friends with the heater. I stood by the heater for what seemed like a long while. Turning to warm each side of my body. Standing on one foot to warm the other. I noticed that the light grew visibly dimmer. I looked up to the shelf and it dimmed again by half. My only light source was about to go out. Evil genius bastard. It went out.
I had used my short time of light to warm up by the heater, not to explore the room as fully as I should have. Now I had no options. I moved over to the palette and inspected it best I could in the dim light of the heater and what came from the crack under the door. If I had examined it beforehand, I might have tried moving it closer to the heater, but I didn't want to mess up the one respite I had from the concrete if something went wrong. I also examined the jacket and robe on the pegs. Again, in light I could have seen how they were attached, tried to get them off the wall. In the dark, the task became impossible. And so I sat and waited on the palette.
Only to discover that through my general moving about I had loosed the wrist restraint. And could in fact take it off. What is one to do? Clearly the spirit of the exercise was not to 'get out' of the restraint. I had also realized somewhat earlier I could have gotten out of the chain had I so desired. So technically, I could have removed all restraints, grabbed the robe and the jacket, and sat comfortably and warmly while I waited. In fact, I could have also checked the door to see if it was actually locked or could I get out. But I did none of these things, though it was my constant thought while waiting. Why? Because it wasn't in the spirit of the game. Although I had not gone out of my way to loosen my bonds, I knew it wasn't the intent. And I have had no clear indication from Mr.Aloof (even under direct questioning) about if such an act would simply be dealt with in play or if it would diminish his experience of the evening. Punishment in play, I have no problems with, but diminishing his enjoyment or experience of the evening, I do.
It was only when he left me the second to last time (he would appear, periodically to check on me, touch me, torment me... and leave) when he took down the robe and threw it on top of me, that I removed the rope from my wrists and the chains from my body. I was at that point, cold. Enduring, but faltering. Curled up on the small palette with the light cotton robe wrapped completely around me, I waited. I had laid out the rope in front of the palette, where he had been kneeling by me, to make it clear it had been removed. But I still did not take down the jacket. I did not leave. The power exchange was in place. When he appeared that second to last time, he noted the rope straight away, and the absence of the chain as well as he ran his hands along my tightly curled form. But made no mention of it. I was relieved- but it prompted me to email him about it afterwards.
An email to which he has not responded. But he has been away. So I called him on it, on an email I sent before plans were made for this evening. Where I mused that I looked forward to a stricter, more rigorous restraint, where such questions about what it means when they fail are no longer an issue.
And so tonight I am to be detained again. And if I had to guess, I would say in a stricter and less forgiving fashion. My mind races to imagine what's in store. What I will endure.
The night can't come fast enough..
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