Being Open

I have lots of things going on in my head that are taking up most of the space. Tooth pain. Studying for exams and falling woefully behind. Upcoming flights to New York and back. Planning a trip with S for February. Entertaining guests between xmas and New Years.

Of course none of that is of current interest to me. Sure, some if it is interesting, but it's also just a list things I have to do or deal with. So by becoming a chore, it's no longer as fun. I prefer to spend time mulling over non pressing things. It's far more indulgent, and therefore illicit, and therefore fun.

This morning I read a post by CJC on his Nerve photoblog (it's quite possible that link won't work, or just send you to Nerve, in which case you'll need to make a free account to see 'The Daily Siege') inspired by his and his partners participation in this article, which spoke to me, so I thought I would quote it here. Recently my friend B emailed me about blogs and called them the modern day free-therapy. That somehow talking to the masses is good for the soul. Except I have never felt that I've been one to keep many secrets. My blog is the antithesis to the list of things above. It's a procrastination tool. It's something I shouldn't be doing and therefore becomes highly attractive to me to do it. I keep people's names out of it because I respect their right not to have their laundry aired, though to be fair, if you know me and you read this blog, you probably know who the initials represent (or I would tell you) and if you don't know me, you wouldn't know who anyone was by first name anyway, so what possible difference would it make. Maybe I'll stop using initials. Something to think about.

But one thing I have never been, is particularly secretive about myself. Oh, I don't throw it in people's faces and there is a long history with me of 'If you don't ask the right question you won't find out the answer.', but keeping the detail aside, when asked a question, it is highly likely that I will answer it. No matter how personal. Though I may preface with a 'Why do you want to know?', or an 'Are you really sure you want to know?', before answering. I've always felt it was easier and more sensible to just be truthful about things. Shame or embarrassment lets people have power over you. If you are not ashamed, then the power is gone. And here is what CJC had to say on the very same subject this morning:

"It's the fear of public scorn that has delayed every advance and evolution in human efforts throughout history. It's the freethinkers and liberally-minded being shamed and intimidated into silence by the backwards and conventional that have retarded progress. I say fuck that. That's why I'm so open about my life. When you live your life proudly in the open you have no fear of being outed, and without that fear, without that shame, others have no control. It's freedom."

I wholeheartedly agree.