Once upon a time I got no periods. Maybe three a year, if that. When I was eighteen, I went to the doctor to discuss the issue for the first time and was put on birth control pills to regulate me. In general I thought these were great, my period came like clockwork and I could be like everyone else, though I have to say, that in general I think periods are pretty disgusting, certainly don't make me feel like 'more of a woman' and I'd prefer if it was natural for women to get them only once a year, if at all, but that's besides the point.
Anyway, I was on the pill for years and years. But at various points health concerns were flagged. High blood pressure and high cholesterol. So a few years ago, as my age went up and my numbers didn't go down, I was taken off the pill as it was not considered safe. Of course, the birth control aspect was a huge bonus that I still have some issues with as I liked my double protection (birth control pills + condoms) however, the bigger issue was that I was thrown back to a time when I never knew when I was getting my period.
No longer clockwork, I have no idea when it's going to happen or if my mood is being unduly influenced by hormones. Right now for example, T, N, and C are all just starting their periods. And it's a well known fact that women in close proximity tend to synchronize. So I'm horribly grouchy and moody and everything is pissing me off, but do I have any idea if it's my period or if I'm just depressed about other stuff going on in my life? No.
All I know is that every small thing is irritating me in some way or another. That my mood is dark, my thoughts are dark, stupid things are annoying me and I don't know how to make it better, and I'm not even sure I want to make it better. And you know what? It's fucking pissing me off too.
No comments:
Post a Comment