Strange Times

I've not been feeling social lately. By 'lately', I mean for at least three weeks. As I said to a few people last night, it's not that I'm depressed or sad or upset about anything, I just don't feel like jumping in and chatting with everyone either. I sort of wish this feeling would pass, that I would either just get depressed or snap out of it.

Last night there was mad office drinks in a way that there hasn't been for ages. This followed on the heels of office pool night on Thursday. Both times I neglected to go with my group of friends to the 'afterpartying'- see anti-social statement above. And both times it sounds like a mad fun time was had by all. Which is cool. I notice my incredible high tolerance is back with the mood which makes me not enjoy hanging out with all the drunk people so much either. Though I know even though I don't feel the alcohol, it still affects me. Last night I foolishly told a coworker about my bdsm activities. Because I couldn't quite bring myself to lie. It was right on the tip of my tongue and I told the truth. Ridiculous. The first person I tell at my office is someone I barely know. I made up for that this morning by telling T as we walked to Broadway Market. So now two people know.

My social life is a bit messed up which is probably adding to my mood. Mr. Aloof has in fact, completely disappeared. A text to let me know he was fine and then absolutely nothing. I liked Mr. Aloof. And it's hurt me more than I care to admit, that it simply fell apart. Plus I really don't take well to the whole 'disappearing act' thing. Not since M. It plagues me this arrogant and impossibly rude way to leave a person behind. Like a suicide with no note.

Mr. Ball and I haven't seen each other since our naughty night in Islington last Wednesday. I honestly don't know what I want from him. Chain smoker. Bad teeth. Perhaps I could deal with one, but both? Really, it's probably the teeth that weird me out the most. I know it's cliche, but come on Britain. That and circumcised dick. Two better things about the States, hands down. So Mr. Ball. Just don't know. I want Mr. Aloof. And of course this is all complicated by the persistence of Mr. Noshow who I sort of wish had pulled a Mr. Aloof, but is instead back from the past. And I sort of invited him around to my place this weekend, for some play. And he's not even taking me up on it. What is wrong with people?

Anyway. It's just strange times. C moving in and my flat changing. Boy trouble. Anti-social moods. Weather changes. I suppose none of it means very much in the end. I sort of wish the view from my window was still as below, but that was a couple weeks ago. Still, it's some sort of solace. I don't know what kind, it just is.