FMP

So I keep thinking I should record this story. I have lots of good stories. Like J the half Mexican, that's a good story. But this story, the FMP story, is one that I don't really remember. It was my story, and then I lost it. But apparently, it was such a good story that it lives on. Sort of like the 'you made me lose my email at work' story, but different.

So once upon a time I lived with M. And M had lots and lots of sex. All the time. And really noisy too. Sort of in that fake porn star way, but hey, it obviously worked for her, more power to her. While M was a bit of a sex fiend, she was also mostly a serial monogamist. And I mean, you'd think that the noises that someone makes in the heat of passion are base animalistic sounds, that just emerge from within. Point being, you would think, they were sounds you didn't have much control over.

But one of the things that freaked me out about M was that she sounded different with each guy. Which really, if you knew her, made sense, because she was like that chameleon girl who gloms to on to whatever she thinks the guy wants her to be. So different guys would mean it sounded like a different pornstar was living in her room. The soft moaner, the high pitched wailer, the grunter, the groaner. Never the same with a different guy. But always it was M.

For a while, M was seeing my friend B. We lived in a little duplex and her bedroom was above the living room. Apparently (this is where I forget my own story) me and S were downstairs in the living room. We had all been hanging out, smoking pot, and M and B went upstairs to fuck. So S and I are down below, and the sounds of banging start. So far, all normal occurrences for our little duplex, when out of friggin no where comes this blood curdling scream "FUCK MY PUSSY!". Maybe it was because we were high, but this was the most hilarious thing possible. I mean, after all that banging, what the hell else had he been fucking?

Recently, I met up with B in New York, and he mentioned FMP. He said, "You just can't throw something like that out there in the middle of things with no preparation and no warning. It can really throw a guy off his stride." I related the story to S who was thrilled that she hasn't been making up the FMP story all these years. I never thought she was making it up, I just have no memory of the actual event . And so I can't even tell the story. I don't remember why it's so funny exactly. And yet FMP just lingers on.