But funny how life can just shift from good to bad, from fun to not fun, from sex to work.
I was basking in afterglow most of the day yesterday when I was suddenly and abruptly crashed back to my senses by some rather annoying unpleasantness at work. To refresh for my existing readers, and to explain to you, who just stumbled by, though I work in a large office, I generally work in a smaller group that consists of five people. At the top, is P or 'number one'. Below P there is T, number two, then, (I thought) there was me, K, holding firm and centered at three, then there was H at four and C at five. If you asked anyone else in the office, this is likely the structure they would have suggested based on who has been in the office the longest, and just general assumption.
So.
Two weeks ago, when I was horribly fucking sick, I dragged my sorry sick ass into work because I had been given a tender to work on. No one else was working on it aside from P, and there have been various discussions about me moving up the responsibility chain, particularly since number two is leaving. So I came in, got the work done, and suffered for it for an entire other week because I was that much sicker for coming in.
I found out late last week that we had been shortlisted to interview for the project, which I thought was great. Responsibility moving right along. All this week I've been checking with P if I would be going to the interview or if it was just him. There was a minor conflict with a meeting with my other main project, so I wasn't sure.
Yesterday, after the dentist (just a cleaning, my teeth were great, yay me!), I came back to the office and P came by and said, "I just wanted to let you know we decided that H would go to the interview."
Excuse me?
I sat there and stewed. And ranted on IM to C and other friend TD. I was supposed to sit down with P in the late afternoon about a report for my main project I'm doing (on my own) and so after we'd discussed it I said, "P, can I speak with you about something else? I'm just curious why I'm not going to the interview. Is it because there's a conflict with timing for my main project?"
"No.", he said, "It's just a matter of seniority."
Excuse me?!?
We had a small and unsatisfactory conversation about how H has more work in his portfolio. The fact is, we probably have equal years work experience, so while he is not necessarily less qualified than me, he is not necessarily more qualified than me either. So really, this was all bullshit. I also pointed out to P that there had been this big push to get me my own projects, than I had been trying to be more active, but if I wasn't given a project, then I obviously wasn't going to be able to say I had projects, and if I can't show projects, they won't give me projects, so therefore if I'm not given a project... you see how that went.
Anyway. Today is T's last day. And there will only be four of us. I have a review scheduled for December. I am willing to wait and see how things work without T around, if H can really handle the work, if he becomes a mini-despot or not, if I am really not given a project to work on. If I have literally hit the glass ceiling in my office, well I may very well be looking for another fucking job. Which really pisses me off. There is no reason I am not being given my own project. And I generally really like this office, and this job, and would be angry if I had to leave because the management was so fucking horrible. Seriously, I'm seething.
Don't fuck with the monkeys.
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