Egoiste

Do blogs ever disappear? When people stop writing do they just live on and on in cyber space if not deleted? Will our era be remembered as one of huge self indulgence and egotism? Probably.

I keep a blog and I keep a handwritten journal. To be fair, the blog has been a thing of this year and the journal I have kept for ages. The earliest entry I have is from when I think I was six. There have been years with no writing. Or a year with very little writing. This year for example, has been particularly sexual, though to be fair I've not had sex more this year than last year so far (though I have messed about a good deal more), but still, it's not a true reflection of actual events, more like a distorted snapshot.

I like having my journals because I can read back over them and realize how far I've come from a past point. Sometimes it amazes me the vehemence and passion with which I wrote about something that I could care less about now. But even though thoughts and opinions and circumstance change, I would never delete, alter, edit, or throw away something that I'd written before. Because whatever it was it was, even if it's no longer relevant.

Why am I writing about such things? Because Mr.Ball has finally found this blog (with some minor help after begging for a clue *smirk*). And because it occurred to me last night, when I knew he would look, and likely find the blog, and this morning, when I had time to kill, if I should go back and change or edit any posts. But I decided to leave everything as it was.

My blog is personal and indulgent to my thoughts and feelings. I'm sure if one of the other people I have talked about were to describe an event or moment that I have described, they would do so very differently. Because we all view reality from a singular perspective, our own. In this sense, one could get quite philosophical and argue that there is no such thing as 'reality' because the way that each individual perceives it is colored by their own thoughts and experiences. My writings are my view at any given time. I could be wrong or misguided or misinformed, but still it's simply what I thought or felt at a given moment. Even though it could change, why would I change the record of what it was?

I suppose the unfortunate part is that with Mr.Ball reading I will be less likely to discuss things like how he looked slightly different from how I remember him from last time, or how we had that strange moment of goodbye and the not-naughty but not-chaste kissing thing. Or maybe I will. It is MY blog after all.