Dropping A Stitch

What an annoying day. And here I thought my hormones were settling down. Seems like no, as things are irritating me more than usual. Maybe it's the prolonged absence from my rug. I need to roll around on it for a while to feel better about life. It's my own personal K-catnip.

Tlsd is back in London, I know this because I got a text off her. I doubt I'll get much more until tomorrow as she seems a bit tired and otherwise occupied.

Peanut butter cookies were a big hit at today's stitch n' bitch. And somehow I managed to drop a stitch in my scarf. Not at all sure how that happened. I think I salvaged it okay, but being the obsessive person I have the potential to be and seeing the mood I'm in, my inclination is to rip the whole thing apart in frustration even though it's basically fixed. I think I'll leave it be for now.

Got another email from Mr.Aloof yesterday. Two sentences and a pornographic photo. That upset me. A week of checking my email, hoping for something, sad there was nothing, happy there was nothing. Then I get something and it throws me into confusion, clearly showing that I'm not through processing things. I composed a reply which was painful for me, but necessary. And no, I didn't tell him to go away and leave me alone forever, but I told him that his version of 'letting me go' was mean and inconsiderate. And that of course I want to see him, but I can't take what comes with it because I want more than he has to offer, so playing games is not the way forward. So far no response. I don't expect one for a while. I do vaguely think he'll reply, though I'm not at all sure what he'll say. It's uncharted territory for us. But I don't think he'll send me any more porn. So that was annoying and sad. Good thing I had my rug to roll around on to make me feel better.

I was particularly annoyed though at SH's response to me about the whole situation. I knew I was slipping into stupid thoughts and had emailed her and some others asking for confirmation of my impending stupidity and she sent me a pretty bitchy email, particularly if one considers that she is in the process of not trying to talk to her long-standing man-leech of six years. She says to me, 'I don't have the same feelings you do, and I'm not in the same position you are, and I don't feel the need to contact him'. But then I hear from tlsd that is total bullshit and she's been agonizing about emailing him and texting him and it's eating her up. So why the fuck be a bitch to me about it and act all holier than thou? It was just obnoxious. And considering she's tried to split with her man-leech like ten times previously, one would think she'd be more understanding to what the duality of knowing the right thing to do versus wanting to feel good for a moment is like, instead of acting like she's better than me. Fuck that. It really pissed me off.

Anyway. I am trying to concentrate on things that are good right now. My rug. The weather. My photos I'm getting framed. And not all the things that are pissing me off. *sigh*