Blah

It just seems so wrong to feel so blah during days of such nice weather. So, since it's my blog, and because I can, I'm going to list out everything that is making me feel blah at the moment in no particular order.

* For no reason I bit at the skin around my nails a couple days ago like I haven't done for years and years since giving up nail biting generally. It was obviously a stupid thing to do. Now my fingers hurt. Particularly my thumb when I type. Blah.

* The continual drama of Mr.Aloof. That I'm not strong enough to break free. That I feel too attached. That I want what I can't have. That in the meantime I'm just having nothing, and not enjoying it at all. Blah.

*My unfortunate first date with A2 last night and the subsequent 'I don't think I see a relationship between us' email I had to write this morning. I know it's cliche but he was too eager. Made me want to run for the hills as quick as possible. But look, I'm not that stupid, I know my pattern is for emotionally unavailable men. I was willing to give it a try, going against my pattern. But lets look at the breakdown. Not that attractive. Well, okay, I don't think I'm overly attractive, so I acknowledge my clear hypocrisy, but he was not physically attractive. Thick Yorkshire accent which only reminds me of someone else I know who I don't think remarkably well of. Did I mention over-eager? Then, still willing to try to break outside my pattern, the next flaw? Bad kisser. On so many levels. Can't figure what to lead with in fact, just sticking your tongue in someone's mouth and not moving it, or holding up all your spit to kiss someone all sloppy and disgusting with. Yeah, not sure. And all the time he's saying how compatible we are and how he's going to make me his. Yick. So then not only a sort of yick evening, but having to send of a ding email this morning which always makes me feel bad. Blah.

* Friends with drama. From C flip-flopping about staying at work, to SP and her problems, to everyone else's. Can't someone have something good going on so I can be happy for them? Oh yeah. Flatmate D has something good going on for him. And I hate him for it. Nevermind. Blah.

* That I need to do dishes. Blah.

* That I need to generally clean my house. Blah.

* That I'm sitting at work doing nothing (I don't count playing Solitaire as anything, do you?) with the full knowledge that I have work due on Tuesday except (and this is a big except) this time it's not my own procrastination- the director in charge hasn't let me know what needs to happen and is 'in meetings' so later today I'll get the work which means I'll be frantically busy the rest of the day and Monday when here I am doing nothing now. Blah.

Fine. So I haven't had my period in close to two months and this is probably fucking PMS. Even if that's the case, it really doesn't stop me from feeling so goddamn blah. The only good thing I can think of right now is that it's Friday. And me and SP and tlsd are going out to a comedy club tomorrow which should be good fun. And I'm supposed to meet N and B out on Sunday which should be alright. No. Nevermind. Nothing is going to be alright. Ever again obviously. Blah.