Momentum

Or an alternate title could be, "How do I get my mojo back?". I have been thinking a bit lately, in between not thinking at all, about my general apathy.

A while back I wrote in an email to a friend that perhaps apathy towards life is the cornerstone of being an adult. That when you no longer have the energy or inclination to care, you have surpassed teenage and twenty-something angst and have reached the plateau of acceptance that seems to be characteristic of adulthood.

Of course, saying this, I would be one of the first to point out that I am rarely associated with my correct age. And for the most part, this suits me just fine, except when I need to seem professional and be taken seriously at which point I generally feel my more youthful appearance (and attitude) are a detriment.

The difficult part to this chain of thinking is that the majority of my youthful thinking and passion made me one generally depressed individual. And while I still fend of accusations of being a pessimist (I argue instead that I'm a realist which is completely different), I don't actually think I'm depressed anymore. So I wonder sometimes if this is the outcome of my learned life apathy, and that were I to care more, or feel more, about life, would I then by default become depressed?

It wasn't so long ago that I found myself frequently depressed. When I left the States to come to London I was a not so happy bunny. Part of that came from listening to the endless cycle of idiocy that was and unfortunately still is the current political climate, and other parts came from an extreme self criticism- on all levels.

Somehow, through no obvious means or methods, much of this has left my day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute thinking. But then, what am I left with? This strange void.

Eh. If I wasn't so apathetic, maybe I'd care more.