As a follow up to yesterdays question, I remembered the answer. My own self-esteem issues dictate that I don't even bother with thinking I can sleep with someone for their affection (since I lack in sexual self confidence and certainly aggressiveness). I can't buy someones esteem because it would be too transparent to myself, and I would instantly think that the only reason someone was with me was for my money (so it wouldn't work). No, what I do is generally think that I'm so undeserving of love/affection that when it does come my way (particularly from someone who also withholds and is otherwise abusive) this sits very well with my own self-image of not really being worthy and so my issue is played out by letting someone treat me badly because it reinforces that it's all I probably think I'm worth.
I mean, someone bending over backwards to be with me and who thinks I'm great and wonderful? Yeah right! I'd never believe them in a million years, run the other way, and that is precisely how my own self esteem issues play out. I put up with crap because it reinforces (and validates) my world view.
*sigh*
If current posts are any indication, I'm definitely on a dating down-swing and am feeling very disenchanted with the whole experience and prospect. Or in other words, I'm feeling very short on hope at the moment. Bleh.
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5 comments:
I'm sorry that seems kind of sad.
You know, a nap could probably make you feel better.
=]
'I mean, someone bending over backwards to be with me and who thinks I'm great and wonderful? Yeah right! I'd never believe them in a million years, run the other way, and that is precisely how my own self esteem issues play out. I put up with crap because it reinforces (and validates) my world view.'
Hey, since when have you been living in my head? I am so very used to crap that it appears to have become my live-in lover.
sunshine abby- Yeah, I suppose it's sad. But there are lots of other things that aren't. Really it's just relationships that get me down. And while a nap would be fabulous, I don't think my boss would quite appreciate me face planting on my desk! ;)
clair- Crap is a very poor live-in lover. I say we kick it to the curb. Throw it's suits out the window (after cutting off one sleeve) and get the lock changed.
Easier said than done of course.
-K
"someone bending over backwards to be with me"
It always comes back to sex doesn't it!
They say that aknowledging your problem is half way to solving it.
They also said Money Can't Buy You Happiness and that All You Need Is Love. Or was that the Beatles?
Anyway they talk bollocks most of the time.
One day you will meet the perfect partner, who will tick all your boxes and be perfect for you. Of course you will have got so bored waiting for them that you will have long since settled for a far from perfect relationship by then which you cannot possibly get out of and so will have to let Mr Perfect sail off into the sunset without you.
Life sucks and God's a bitch.
tcm- I don't think I'm the settling type. I'm probably more the purple hair and 40 cats type.
ps- I instantly started considering various sexual positions for which 'bend over backwards' would be appropriate. ;)
-K
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