Not Entirely Productive

So here I am at work and it's only 50 minutes to lunch and I'm fairly certain I've done very little that is actually work based so far today. Mostly I was reading information on redundancy rules and rights so that in the case that I am called in for a meeting (which I feel more and more will be what happens) that I am prepared for what I intend to ask for and what I should expect in terms of what they offer.

This morning I also made note of the fact that the maid seems to be back with Mr.Aloof. Well, she pulled her advertisement at any rate and said something about how she's not looking again. I'm getting to the point where I think I need to ween myself off looking at these things obsessively. I'm going to try to knock it down to a once a week sort of thing. This works well for me in some other situations, and I know it's something I can stick to, so I'm hoping it will work here. I recognize that I'm still just holding on to all this hurt and disbelief and the unanswerable 'why?' and that even small bits of information do not in any way help me to get it out of my head. Of course, I also recognize you need to be ready or at the point to be able to start to make some distance, so what I guess I'm saying is that I think I'm there and I'm going to try. But I'm not going to beat myself up over it if I slip either. I just think that my life would be easier if I wasn't contemplating that situation with deep regret, frequently.

The more I think about 'this year' the more I just think it's all been a bit crap. I'd like to make that my birthday year rather than calendar year, as last August I was having surgery and that wasn't great. Then a guy in my office died. Then Mr.Aloof stuff and now job stuff. I feel like the trifecta of awful is just waiting to burn my house down and the unpleasantness will be complete. Ridiculous.

I don't know. It's just a down patch. Things will improve. And as always, it's far easier to dwell on the bad things and take all the good things for granted, and I shouldn't do that because there are loads of other random good things going on as well.