Short on Time

I'm wasting my Saturday. I have many things I could be doing, there are even many things I should be doing. But I'm having a lazy day, and I believe it's going to be a lazy weekend. That's the look of things at the moment at any rate.

Yesterday was the 4th and S and I celebrated by finding an American restaurant to have dinner at. I think our waitress was amused that she had 'real Americans' at the table- even thought we were tourists. That was a plausible mistake given it was Covent Garden after all. Originally we wanted to go to this other place, but after a technological snafu, it turned out we didn't have a reservation after all. Oh well. It was actually okay. Not great, but good enough to make us wax nostalgic about all things American.

But seriously, Buffalo wings do not come with barbecue sauce. That's just ridiculous.

Anyway. Now it's the weekend. I know I shouldn't be stalking Mr.Aloof and the assorted cast of characters online, but I simply can't help myself. It wasn't hard when I was away from a computer, but when I do have a computer at hand, it's nearly impossible to keep myself from clicking the bookmarks. As it turns out though, something interesting actually happened (which only fuels my interest in stalking) which is to say, something bad seems to have happened. L's submissive boy-toy is set free and looking elsewhere, and even the maid has changed her profile all around to no longer say she's 'third to them'. And their secret profile has gone completely blank. Network and profile both emptied.

Is it wrong for me to hope for the horrible? Of course this is no good you see, because it makes me want to know what happened when I should be working on not caring. But it's nice to think that karma may have acted so quickly. It's pleasant to imagine that after I basically cursed him, the shit hit the fan. Has he lost his job finally (it was supposed to be gone by xmas)? Been evicted? Maybe things are rocky with him and L. Part of me is sinfully joyful at all of this evil speculation.

But then of course, of course, there is a part of me that feels bad. I mean, I didn't pretend to care about this person for three years, or pretend to love them. So there is another part of me that finds some measure of distress thinking of his distress, for just as much happiness as it brings my vindictive side.

And of course none of it matters at all, because we aren't in touch, and we aren't going to be in touch, and he was a completely and total fuckwit asshole to me for a very long time who doesn't deserve an iota of my attention or concern. But it's hard. Not as hard as it once was maybe, but I'm not 'over' it all yet, whatever that means. I'm just a lot further along.

At any rate, I need to knock out an article in the next hour. Until I do so, I'm forbidding myself from doing any online stalking. And really, as soon as the article is finished, I need to get outside and enjoy the glorious weather we're having today since tomorrow it's supposed to be chucking it down. Also I need to go pick up some sort of dessert for a dinner I'm going to up by Seven Sisters tonight. I'm very excited to check out my friend's newly overhauled garden. It used to be a giant concrete slab, then I saw it when it was a muddy pit (well, you take all that concrete away and it all drops a level), but now it's supposedly all done up and planted and I'm very excited for them since I know how much hard work they've put into it.

So that's the plan for the day at any rate. Best get on with it!