I've been having trouble with the blogger interface. I meant to type this out two days ago, but it wasn't happening. Now it's going to have lost something because my memory is quickly working to cover over such incidents as these.
So Friday night at the temple, we are outside taking some photos because everyone says how nice I look even though I am not feeling the best about how I look. Anyway, my dad pulls me aside and says he wants to tell me something. This is never a good sign.
"I know that maybe I wasn't always the best dad to you, or set the best example.... but you need to... you know.... get over it. Stop ruining your life."
There's a pause while I try to work out what he's saying to me. I wonder if Emily told him I was in therapy. I haven't actually mentioned it to either of my parents. "So... I'm ruining my life??"
"Well you don't seem to be able to make lasting relationships for whatever reasons. You need to just get over me."
Another small pause. "Thanks dad, but, you know, it just doesn't work like that."
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I am the sum of my parts. Some of which are not suitable for minors or the uptight. Please leave now if this is you.
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8 comments:
You need to look at it another way...
he's finally facing up to the fact that he has made mistakes and that he's sorry for them...
(major break through!!)
And he wants his little girl to be happy...
... on another note, if you wore the brown dress, then of course you undoubtedly looked fabulous!!!
;0)
Hm... He's not really facing up to anything though is he? And anyway... I think it's too late. AND he told me I'm ruining my life. Not really the correct way to apologize...
(It was the other dress- I wore the brown dress on Saturday)
-K
I'm standin' shoulder-to-shoulder with you on this one, K. Poppa says 'I've been a shocking father, and that's my way of apologising, but nothing else is up for discussion, and now I'm going to make you feel like crap. AGAIN'.
Grrr.
Oh don't disabuse me of the notion that all I have to do is wait twenty years and make some flipant comment and all will be right with my two daughters???
Surely if I plan to do that then I can do what I like in the meantime?
clair- Yeah... it's not really an apology or an understanding. But then, I don't think he can do either. Yes, it's his way of trying, and no, it's not enough (or perhaps more importantly, doesn't change the past).
tcm- Now now. Everyone fucks up their kids. It sort of goes with the job. Read some Philip Larkin to tide you over. ;)
-K
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to but they do.
But whisper quietly and never tell
What your children do to you.
You may love them with all your heart.
Sometimes its all you can do.
It will never be enough
And you have no idea just what to do.
By the way - thats not a comment on the blog. It's just something I penned a while ago whilst reading Larkin and having children.
Not at the same time.
tcm- Everyone does the best they can, though obviously, some do better than others... Sometimes it's something you can make a difference about, and sometimes it isn't. Sometimes your kids are fine, and sometimes they aren't. It's all a bit tongue in cheek, and then, it's all a bit overly real no?
"So get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself"
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