From the Road

Well, it's not really the road, in reality it's more a house in the suburbs, but you get my drift.

The flight was not great. It all started badly when we were taxiing down the runway and I could hear this high pitched noise like metal scraping on metal. A noise I have never heard before. That was all it took really. My irrational panic started to rise. Then we got to the runway and the noise didn't abate, it kept up and I was, as usual, convinced that something was grinding apart and was going to break off and we were all going to die. So as soon as the flight attendants had been released from sitting I called one of them over and explained that I was a phobic flyer, blah blah blah. Of course, around this time, the high pitched noise also stopped.

On the plus side, the flight crew on this particular flight were really fantastic and kind about my phobia. Every time there was turbulence they came to check on me and even sat with me (the flight wasn't so full). And obviously the flight was fine and all that, so now here I am in Chicago.

It is strange to be surrounded by Americans. The way they sound and how they talk. I won't lie and say that I don't often find something abrasive about it. However, I am also in the Midwest which is not my favorite part of the country. The accent here is harsher, the people are more isolated and sheltered. It's par for the course really. Still, there are many things that I appreciate as well and feel very much like 'home'.

I watched the Obama acceptance speech last night. That was pretty interesting. Coverage here is obviously far more intensive than anything in the UK and hugely biased and partisan and also racial all at the same time. In a way that I don't think people who aren't American can actually understand. It's not necessarily how I prefer my news delivered, but if you understand it, then you understand far more about American than you would do by listening to the BBC. It's going to be a really tough race. Of course, I hope the democrats can pull through.

In other exciting news, I drove a car yesterday. First time I'd driven a car in over five years. I was nervous but it was alright. It didn't feel nearly as uncomfortable as I anticipated which is good, since I really do want to get my UK driving license when I get back. I still need to take the theory test, but the practical is what I am more concerned about. I just don't drive anymore. So to take a difficult exam about driving when I don't even own a car seems troubling, but I'll try.

After I deal with the citizenship stuff of course.

I do find that I have a bit too much time to think here at the moment. Of course my thoughts cannot help but stray to Mr.Aloof. I wish that they wouldn't and that it was all easier. And I could of course not mention it here and pretend I'm not thinking about it at all, but of course I am. However, I'm not sure what I think about it all anymore. I know that I experienced things that were wonderful and exciting and exhilarating. But I also know that I was lied to and deceived and abused. So it's hard to remember anything good coming out of the past when it's completely overshadowed by all the bad. My mind tries to make sense of it- of course, and unsuccessfully. Because you can't make sense of a crazy person. And this is the conclusion that I am slowly coming around to. That Mr.Aloof is so fucked in the head that it's just... impossible to make sense of anything in his life, and by extension, anything in his actions. Still, there is a part of me that misses the attention, the excitement, the potential. Everything I thought was good, even though now I find it hard to believe that anything was good. I just ache in a rather empty way. Clutching at straws and watching them slip through my proverbial fingers. It's frustrating but it's also healing. Time moves on.

At any rate, this is my one spot of down time in the house for a while. The rest of the extended family arrives today and it's going to be manic. I managed to get left alone for the majority of today so I'm going to go hop in the shower and then have a walk over to some major shopping areas and do some damage.

Oh, and speaking of damage. Looks like my money got returned to my UK account, but short 35 pounds for the inconvenience. At least it's not lost forever but I'm very, very frustrated at how difficult the procedure of wiring myself money seems to be. I am not at all amused and something will need to be done to fix that- when I get back.

Righty-o. Off to wander the streets of Skokie in the sun and heat.