To Kink or Not to Kink

Tomorrow there is an event in London- one I attended a couple of years ago, called 'Kinkfest' (sorry I'm at work or I'd supply the link). Now I don't go to loads of scene things- seeing as how generally I don't find it overly rewarding. People I don't have much in common with, too much posturing and fetishizing, and too much stuff that doesn't mean squat if you don't have a partner to share it with.

Still, I know a couple of people here and there on the scene, as much as I'm not part of it, and every now and then I show up to an event and it satisfies my interests in such things for a time until I do it again.

Well, tomorrow was intended to be one of those events, and I was supposed to go with my friend N although we hadn't talked about it recently, we had spoken about it in the past and I assumed she was going and we would meet up and all would be well.

Except yesterday she says she's not going.

So now I'm really at a loss as to whether or not I feel like showing up at an event alone. Where I don't know that many people, and where, I'm sorry to say but there is no other way to say it, I don't really want to know that many of the people who attend. Which makes it all a bit paradoxical. How do you meet people with similar interests when so many people with similar interests in this very small section of live have no similar interests in all the other sections of life? I really can't be anyone other than myself. I have no interest in dressing a certain way or acting a certain way to prove that I can be part of 'the group'. I believe that all things kinky are entirely possible with like-minded folk, it's just that I am not the typical person who attends such events. So the likelihood of my meeting anyone similar or compatible is exceedingly low. Especially when most people come (almost all the people?) come with at least someone else if not a group to begin with.

On top of that I'm generally shy in crowds. All in all, a bad combination.

In addition to weighing this question, I already bought my ticket ages ago (though it's no real loss if I don't use it and lose the money) which is annoying. None of my non-kinky friends are interested in going with me. So what to do? I think I'm likely to take the loss and just not go which in some ways is a shame, but on the other hand, attending events where you feel like you don't belong doesn't really make you feel any better.

Other considerations are that the maid is likely to be there and I really hope not but there's always a possibility that Mr.Aloof and L would show up and I cannot just bump into any of them without support. I would feel the need to leave immediately and it would pretty much ruin my day if not my entire weekend.

I really wish N hadn't cancelled. Poop.