Two Weeks

This weekend is the start of two weeks of irregular programming.

First, it's a bank holiday weekend. I can't tell you how happy I am to have this extra day off. Of course I haven't really planned anything interesting for the weekend, just relaxing mostly. But relaxing mostly sounds more than adequate. And there will be a barbecue tomorrow, weather permitting.

Tuesday I will be at work, though I leave early for shrinkage. At the therapy I presume I will be talking about how the last episode with Mr.Aloof did the most to eradicate any good feelings I had left about him, and how my mental state is reverting back to 'purely single' which generally translates in my head to 'alone as usual'. It's not that 'alone' in this sense seems out of sorts, it's more like my default setting. Only child, a lifetime of being on my own, it feels natural, but it makes me sad. It makes me sad because I think I'd like to have a partner, but when I truly feel myself, I don't even know how a partner would fit in to my life- having spent pretty much all of it cultivating it on my own.

The other thing I will be talking about is my flight on Wednesday. I hate flying. I hate flying with a phobic passion which defies logic and makes me feel terrible. It is of course, the only way to travel. So it's not about giving up the flying, but rather enduring the maddening panic that sets in. Unpleasant.

Then I will be in Chicago. I haven't been there for two years now- not since my other cousin's bar mitzvah. It will be nice to see family I haven't seen for a while. And I will also see my dad and step mother who I saw earlier this year. Which will also be nice. I'm looking forward to doing some shopping, even though the dollar has improved recently against the pound. My spending power isn't quite as good as it has been, but it's still much better than buying things here.

I get back from Chicago the following Thursday, and for some reason will be going in to work on the Friday. But basically this means that for two weeks I am only at work for a day each. Fairly strange. I should have timed that all better and am not entirely sure what I was thinking. I was probably thinking how I was out of holiday time to be honest.

And then I will be back, and must really focus full time on getting my citizenship application pulled together which means taking the 'Life in the UK' test. This is the future that I'm looking forward to. The days are getting shorter, the chance for warm weather is getting less and less, and life goes on.

Still, I have hopes for this, my 34th year. Some big things may happen. Some big things should happen. So fingers crossed that it all adds up to something special in a good way. Certainly something to counterbalance the disaster that was last year. One can hope.