Three Days Left

I realize I am becoming a bit jagged around the edges. And it's not my period coming on. It's just that I've had something going on, non-stop, for over a week now- and it's really getting to me. I know that I am someone who really makes use of my down-time. It's a critical component to my emotional well being. Without it, I just get more and more stressed, which means I get more and more cranky which tends to lead to my getting more and more negative about whatever thing happens to cross my mind.

The larger issues of the moment being my unusual relationship involvement and the large cyst on my ovary. Neither of which is going to be resolved in the immediate future.

Something I have known about myself for a very long time, is that when I feel like my life is out of control, or very stressful, or a mess, my non-helpful tendency is to stir shit up so that I feel in control of my life being out of control or very stressful or a mess by creating one on my own to replace the ones that I feel are happening to me. And I understand that this is a very unproductive way of behaving. I also understand that I don't really want to stir shit up, but as long as everything else feels like it's out of control and horrible, I have this large urge to just seal the deal by wreaking more havoc in my life.

I am currently trying to resist these urges. Mainly by not talking to anyone about anything important lest something hideous and ugly just slip out.

All I have to do is wait until the end of Wednesday. I will have new carpet. And no guests. And while I will need to move things back into my room and put everything back together, and I will miss my guests, it will be okay. It will be better than okay. It will be great. And I will be happy. And there is no reason to drop an additional bomb on my life right now because I am feeling at the end of my tether and stressed.

(I just have to keep telling myself that.)