A common symptom of the less mature mind is the inability to surpass the focus of the self to a greater understanding of other individuals. In useful lingo what this means is, immature minds tend to view the world from a very self-centered perspective and don't take into account that other individuals may have separate motivations for their actions that have nothing to do with the original thinker in question.
As a typical example, a typical teenage girl sees some other girls talking and thinks they are talking about her. This girl may then go on to suppose what those girls might be saying about her, and take any future communication from one of the group as full of meaning and suggestion about what the conversation may have been about. When the reality is, those girls were probably talking about anything but her.
It is, in fact, a major achievement in emotional development when one realizes that in fact, no one is talking about them, scrutinizing their actions, or thinking about their activities on a regular basis. It is also a difficult stage in emotional development as it is partnered with the advancement of the understanding of loneliness and the isolation of the individual. Still, it is an important stage in development as it allows a greater ability to communicate and interact rationally and intelligently with others.
Still, burdened with our consciousness, it is not possible to ever truly remove yourself from your perspective. And it often sneaks up in more subtle circumstances. One of the better illustrations of this common human trait of self-referencing became evident only when I moved to Britain. Mainly, it is how one views the concept of 'nation' and the expectation therein. Coming from a very large country, I found that I had certain expectations that did not translate to a small country. And in reverse, I have spoken with many people from this small country about my large country and had to try to explain how and why things are different when coming from a very large country. The error occurs because we only think of country names and not what it means. In the news, America and Britain and France were talking. In the news, it all seems equal. And yet, it is not equal at all. And we come to have expectations or beliefs that don't translate well. Of course, you don't really recognize this until you are forced to face it. Most of the time these beliefs are just simply held, with nothing to challenge them, and because they don't impact day to day life, it rarely comes to light.
But I didn't start this post to speak of nations, rather I have been thinking of this topic in respect to interpersonal relationships. And how even as a mature and aware adult, it is easy to slip and find yourself in a thought pattern where other people's actions seem to be in relation to you, when really, they just aren't.
It can be very difficult when emotions are involved. Those evil little logic erasing things that blast through the walls of sanity and common sense forging their own paths. It can be so easy to slip back into that mindset of being the teenage center of the universe. Thinking that decisions that people make are intentional towards you, intended to send you a message that you are sure you probably know.
But the reality, is that each person lives in their own sphere of consideration. And just as you are not making your day to day decisions to send these other people secret and meaningful messages, they are not considering you in their day to day decision making either. You just don't matter that much. People care about themselves far more than they will ever possibly care about you.
It's hard to accept the loneliness of the human condition, as everyone wants to feel important. Unfortunately, not a single one of us happens to be the blazing center of the universe. And what everyone needs to remember from time to time, is just to keep things in perspective.
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