Surprised to be Surprised

The problem with making silly decisions is that of course there is fall-out from them. I knew it wasn't the smartest move to make the offer I did to Mr.Aloof. The thing is, what's gotten to me isn't what I anticipated at all. It's that this scenario of making an offer, and having him be initially keen is going the way of our entire relationship. He's disappeared these past two weeks. He isn't going to take the offer up. He's just going to let it slide past. And I guess part of me is slightly astounded that it was this simple outcome that has thrown me. And of course this was the pattern for everything in the past. Of course it makes sense retrospectively, though none of my friends suggested it as a possible outcome when I said I was going to do it. He initially responded with interest and is now letting it lapse. I am, truth be told, somewhat annoyed.

And mostly annoyed at myself. Because what I really want to do is send him an email or a text saying 'hey by the way...' but this is where I have drawn the line. The offer was a one email, one time offer. That was my self-imposed condition of the offer. It was going to be what it was and simple, no more effort, no more investment. And that was it. So this renewed desire, not for something more, not for a relationship, but to not let an opportunity slip. That's my own fault. I just have to breathe through these annoying nagging desires and let the 28th come and go when the offer expired anyway.

It's just bugging me. And isn't being helped by my finding a site about contortionists (that I have a strange fascination with) and an image that makes me think of him and us and time together. It'll pass.