Givers and Takers

Recently I have been considering relationships, as one does, and I have come to the conclusion that in every pair there is a giver and a taker. I could not think of one relationship I knew where one person wasn't the unbending party and the other was the more frequently accommodating party. Of course there are small battles that go against the grain, but when it comes to the bigger decisions and the overall flow of the relationship, it always seems that this is the norm.

Not that there is anything wrong with that necessarily. We can't all be givers and we can't all be takers, so to find a partner that compliments is not a criticism. However, unless you get ahold of your role, you run the risk of being taken advantage of by a more savvy, or unsavory of the opposite kind.

As it so happens, most of my friends are givers. Except for a few exceptions. This would also explain why I have never ended up dating my friends. But that's a side note. It's not wrong to want to give to someone, but it is healthy when it's for the right reasons. Some of my friends have a 'fixing' complex, as in, they are a giver and they need to 'fix' someone to feel useful. This is often taken advantage of by the most damaged takers who prey on such giving folks without ever giving them too much in return, or for that matter, without ever really 'improving', I mean, why would they? If they did, they'd lose all the giving that they're getting.

In fact, the only pairing of this nature that I've ever seen work at all is my father and step-mother. And let me tell you, that is hardly a model that I would encourage anyone to aspire to. My step-mother is near saintly and my father has to be one of the most self centered and socially inept people I've ever met. Their relationship borders on pathological and I would hardly wish it on anyone I know. And it's the only working example I have.

The best pairing is a taker who moderates a giver. Who only takes things that will as a side effect make the giver grow as an individual as well, not lessen as an individual. And a giver who knows that it's not material things that they should be appreciated for, but for the wonderful people they are that bring happiness and contentment to their paired taker.

The thing is, this isn't gender specific and it's not orientation specific. There are men who are takers and men who are givers. Stereotypically described as the 'selfish egotistical man' and the 'man who puts his woman on a pedestal'. There are women takers and givers, the 'no nonsense ball buster' and the 'caregiving mother figure homemaker'. In my own area of interest there are both dominants and submissives who fall into either category. Your preference does not actually indicate your give or take status. A dominant can be absorbed with their own experience with a submissive as useful prop, or they can be overwhelmingly fascinated by the experience they provide a submissive. And a submissive can be absorbed the headspace and emotions their submission gives them, or can be entirely concerned with pleasing their dominant at any expense.

Now that I'm looking again, I recognize, that really, I can't handle another giver. It drives me nuts and comes across as 'weak' and irritating. But I need to find a taker who appreciates taking from who I am, not just what I can physically give.

Bollocks.