One-Wing

Part of the make-up of my personality is a fairly strong sense of right and wrong. Not all the time, only some of the time. But when that side of my self is tapped into, it is just as strong and vehement and total as anything. I think in absolutes, black&white, and see clear paths. Seeing the paths and following the paths are not the same. So I am not a one, I am a nine- I understand options and choices and flows. But I add to that a belief in which way is the right way and which way is the wrong way. If someone chooses the wrong way, then at the very least, they should acknowledge that they are making that choice for what it is, and not try to play it off as somehow being better, because that just annoys me.

Usually I find that my one-wing is most often engaged when it comes to behavior towards other people. This is something I'm extremely sensitive about. I don't like when people are left out, or excluded, even when I am the one doing it, I tend to feel bad. I will gossip like no ones business about people, but I'm not often mean about the people I gossip about unless a) I really, really don't like them or b) they have acted in a way that I find so abhorrent, I have no option but to speak badly about them because they deserve it.

Problems for me come up however, because, believe it or not, I don't always, or for that matter often, express what I'm feeling about situations or people. Because I know, from past experience that the way I see things can be pretty harsh. And most people don't like to be so exposed or laid out. I have the capacity to verbalize things that other people wouldn't dream of, and from time to time I find I have to keep a very tight rein on it. There are lots of times when this skill is useful, even cherished, by my good friends. They know I won't feed them bullshit. But the hand that gives is the hand that takes away, my friends sometimes want me to bullshit and get frustrated when I won't. But I don't really care, because I would never be dishonest towards a friend and I would never want a friend to be dishonest with me. I can think of very few obscure situations where I would lie to someone about something important, and most involve terminal illness or children.

Out of all the things I don't like about myself, my personality, what I view as my identity, has never been something I wanted to change. I have never had a shortage of friends- not acquaintances, but good close friends who I could rely on as they could rely on me. And really, I wouldn't trade that for anything.