Bad Things Come in Threes

To be fair, I wasn't going into the weekend with much enthusiasm. I just wanted to chill out and relax and reflect a little bit. I think therapy does this to you. Especially in the early stages as you dig up all sorts of things that then swill around in your mind in the time in between. All this talk of relationships. All my missing of Mr.Aloof. Still, as awful as things had been between us, I thought I was getting through it alright. Pervasive sadness yes, but moving on.

ONE
So on Sunday, I got an email from him. I thought this was very strange. It turned out to be junk mail- his mailbox had been spammed. This happened once before and let me to finding a way to get in touch with L since he'd never give me her contact information. At any rate, I looked at the names and noticed the new ones. Many with bdsm sort of leanings, probably from IC- some I recognized. So I looked those people up on IC. And as it turns out, one of them, had a peculiar profile describing things that seemed far too coincidental to be a coincidence. So I delved into her posts further, seeing as she is a frequent poster. To cut to the chase, she's been seeing them for at least four months. Regularly. Hasn't gone a fortnight without them as a matter of fact. Sharing scenario fun as well as vanilla times. They even got her a lovely birthday present. What did I get for my birthday? Nothing. Even though I was in the hospital. Not even a visit, even though I asked for one.

I felt so completely rejected. I couldn't possibly believe that he wouldn't have told me what was going on. In this time he still sent me the occasional naughty text. Still met me out, still held my hand and kissed me. All the while pursuing someone else, finding someone else, being with someone else. All the while telling me how he was so busy with work.

Yes, maybe I'm stupid to be so naive as to believe someone. But it's only because I am so completely trustworthy myself. I couldn't do that to someone, so it never occurs to me that someone could actually do it to me. This event led to much soul destruction. On Monday, he emailed me, completely randomly and after some terse exchanges we got into it. It's so completely over and done with now there is nothing possible to salvage. The only positive thing to come out of this is that I think I managed to convey at least some small measure of the hurt he has caused me and he feels bad about it. Not that it's enough, but it's something.

TWO
So if crying in the office most of Monday and today wasn't bad enough, Monday was also my annual review at work. Truth be told, if it hadn't been my review, I would have called in sick and spent the day in bed being miserable and contemplating drugs and alcohol (not that I'd take them, but I'd enjoy contemplating them). So I went for my review in this empty vacant state. Which was okay, but not great. The main message being that there is no place for me to advance within the office. So that's final. It's not that I wasn't contemplating leaving anyway, but this vaguely forces my hand.

THREE
This evening I had my first scan appointment as a follow up to my surgery in August. I'm supposed to get them every six months from now on to check on my remaining ovary. I really wasn't thinking much about it all other things considered, but figured it would amuse me, the whole dildo aspect of the experience. But then she started looking around and looking around and looking around and pressing and pressing and pressing. Asking some questions about what I had done and what they'd seen before, she was sorry to tell me that there seems to be a cyst on my remaining ovary. So she got me an emergency blood draw and put in a request for a gynecology appointment within two weeks. I'll probably have to have another scan. I refuse to even let my mind consider what this could mean. I'm just going to have to take it as it comes. I have no energy and no reserves left to deal with anything whatsoever.

On the plus side to all of this horribleness, it's not like I keep it to myself. I've told people who know me what's going on generally (and it's hard to pass off the crying at work thing) and everyone has been perfectly lovely with offers of an ear or an arm. I've had so many people offer to talk to me and look after me, that I actually have had to turn people down for simply not wanting to talk about things anymore. Still, I really do appreciate it. Mr.Aloof may not appreciate me, but other people do. That's got to be worth something.

Anyhow, updates as warranted. But that's the news for now.