Grey Weekend

Looking outside the window, the weather is not particularly friendly. Last weekend, the weather was stunning. I got a sunburn and can still plainly see the strap marks on my shoulders. This weekend I want to mostly sit at home and do nothing. But I do need to finish up an article today. If I do one thing, that has to be it.

Yesterday was therapy day. Third proper session after the initial assessment. I think my goal for therapy is to get to the point where I don't spend the entire 50 minute hour crying. On the positive side, if I have that much emotion stuck inside of me, maybe it's good to do something to finally get it out. I just hope the process is helpful. I feel somewhat guilty and indulgent for going to therapy. Like what, I can't just take care of myself? Or even- what, your life is so fucking bad? And the thing is, my life isn't bad at all. A lot of things about my life are wonderful and pretty cool and make me very happy. But there are specific key things that make me miserable. Or rather, they don't make me miserable most of the time. I think I've pushed them so far and so deep inside that I can go along with most of my life ignoring them. But there are certain things that bring them out, and then I'm swamped with melancholy and don't know what to do.

So therapy is positive so far, aside from the incessant crying. And hopefully I can find better ways to process some things and move on in those few areas of my life that I feel are holding me back.

In other news, I have my annual review on Monday. Past years have seen me be quite fraught about this process. This year I just don't think I care that much. Work is fine really, if perhaps a bit boring. I like a lot of the things I've done, and not others. When I get my dual citizenship thing sorted later in the year, I really do think it will be time for me to make a change. But I'll need to think for a while about what that change may be. Once I have a passport, there are many more opportunities.

And of course, there is Japan- which is so tantalizing I try not to think about it too much.

Tomorrow I'm meeting up with an old flatmate of mine. She's a little bit crazy, but much nicer now that I don't have to live with her. I don't see her very often, and we generally have a pleasant time when we meet up, so that should be fun. Today is all about laundry, cooking, knitting, and article writing. My life is so exciting! Ha.