Tiny Spheres of Influence and Belonging

Hello, and welcome to the internet.

I just made a comment on someones private blog which perhaps I shouldn't have, but I thought she was getting a bit sanctimonious and starting up a bit of stone throwing which needed a bit of a check. It's not that she doesn't have the right to say whatever she wants on her blog, but occasionally when one rants on about 'other people' sometime it's important to look at oneself.

On IC there's been a bit of a hubbub about someone making a post that alludes to someone else doing something wrong but IC has a non naming and shaming policy so it can only be alluded to and not said outright. Of course, being the every so small world of the 'popular people' that IC is, all the regulars came out posting about this post (by a once popular poster who has been gone for a while) and a couple just couldn't stop themselves from saying 'I think I know who it is.' or the offender in question whose private blog I wrote on who said 'I do know who it is.' and all the while these folks are criticizing that she almost named and shamed while they jumped right into the game themselves.

See, I think IC is a funny little place. Because there are thousands of daily readers. Thousands. Now some I've met they don't really read the blogs, they use only the personals. But still, thousands. And the regular popular posters? A couple handfuls at best. If I said 50 I think I'd be generous. And it's funny how this small group of people seem to think that because they are the only ones talking to each other, that they are the only ones there. They seem to forget they are performing on a stage.

And really that's a huge part of the attraction. The exhibitionist quality. The recognition. I spoke to someone once who said something along the lines of they wanted to be 'recognized' and I thought to myself 'why??'. Because while a very small number of the recognized are because they might write very well or are interesting or insightful. The rest are pretty much known for being hot headed, mouthy, laughable, rude, and somewhat pathetic sycophants. This is not an association I would care to have, and sadly, it quickly becomes what happens even when people start with good intentions, because they tend to descend into slagging matches with someone else and then no one comes out looking very pretty.

I used to care how many people read this blog, not that I don't care, but I used to care more. But then I had to remember why I write a blog. Because I used to journal. I was an avid journal writer and still do it occasionally, but this has become my preferred medium. And while I like the attention of an audience, I don't need the attention of an audience, because in truth this was only ever a place for me. If it wasn't, I would write more by way of reviews or bdsm content, or for that matter I'd comment more on other people's blogs and pick fights with them which would lead them to my blog and it would all become 'popular'.

Who cares?

I've been on the internet a long time. I remember ftp sites and green screens and newsgroups and all sorts of pre-modern-internet things. And I'm slightly over it. I put it in perspective. I don't live here. I have a life. A pretty full one which I (for the most part) enjoy. And I like to read what people have to say that they keep from saying in person. I like to see images that people post. I like to read insightful comments about subjects I find interesting. I like to find out about new products or innovations. But I'm happy to stay 'in the shadows' for the most part. I'm happy to have a presence here, in my space, which is read by a small group of people who funny enough almost never comment though I know when they visit. And that's fine with me.

These little worlds that seem so all important... they're not really.

Now go outside and play.