Homesick or Not?

The verdict is pending.

When I flew in to New York late Thursday night and only got up in the morning long enough to eat some breakfast and head to the train station, sitting on the subway and looking at the people around me I had a strange sensation. A feeling I haven't felt before or at least for a very long time. And I believe that sensation was one of homesickness. That was surprising. Usually I cringe at hearing American voices yammering around me, but this time I welcomed it. It was comforting. Relaxing. Normal.

And I thought 'holy shit' because what does that mean??

Then I took the train to DC. And here I have been ferried around in cars, in the land of cars and plastic houses and highways and strip malls. And I have no sense whatsoever of that fleeting feeling that I had Thursday morning. I look around at houses for rent and houses for sale and think I would have to shoot myself right in the head if I had to live in a place like this. So... soulless and empty and vacant.

So do I feel better or worse for this revelation?

I'm back to NY on Wednesday so I'll see if that other feeling returns.

I know it's all about the five year thing. I've now been in London the longest I've been in any place since I was 18. I'm feeling anxious and itchy and like I need to move on. But not really. I'm just not sure.

I need to get my citizenship sorted in October and then I can think about these things more seriously. I own a house for gods sake. But I could rent that. Easily.

Maybe it's just spring. The season of new beginnings. All I know is that I have this building sense of urgency that I need to do something different or extend myself or take a turn. I think about it frequently. I consider various options and opportunities. Most of which are dependent on my having two passports. So it's all about waiting.

I need to wait.

It would be so strange to move back to the States.

And in other news, when I get back to London, I need to look into getting my wisdom teeth taken out finally. Went to the dentist today who said I have two wisdom teeth cavities and really they should just all be removed. But I think I can get that covered in the UK- or they'll do the fillings. Just what I want. More surgery. Yay! At least my teeth are really clean though (and the rest were generally okay).