The Psychosis of Letting Go

What I should have done was not replied to toy's email.

But I did.

And she wrote back to me again.

And she probably said something to Mr.Aloof because I got an email from him as well. Not saying he knew we were talking, but coincidence? Likely not.

The entire train ride I was trying to process the whole letting go thing. Listening to angry/sad music. Steeling my heart. Trying to make things that are 'present' in my mind into 'past tense'.

And then I had emails.

And what did I do?

I wrote back.

I'm like a fucking trained monkey. I can't not write back. It would be rude.

On the other hand, I wasn't overly chatty with Mr.Aloof. But should I punish toy by not replying to her? Or making her wait? To be fair, it took her three months to reply to my original email. Still... it's not in my nature to be what I perceive as a bitch. Or callous. Or rude. If someone writes to me in a friendly and interested manor, it's hard for me to not reply in kind, even if they have just before been exhibiting bad behavior.

This is going to be a long and ugly slog.