Weekend Plans Out the Window

There were lots of things I was going to do today but now, at 10:30, I don't think I'm going to do any of them. I'm tired. And stressed. And my ass hurts- and not in a good way. Stupid broken tailbone again. I was going to go to 100% Design today at Earl's Court, but it's a long way to go, I don't have anyone to go with, and I really can't be bothered. Even if the weather looks lovely.

It could be that I'm suffering from PMS. Tomorrow is my last pill in my pack, so it would make sense. Of course, this is the first month I'm on these particular pills, so it's hard to tell. Otherwise, these pills have been far better than the last set I tried, no breakthrough bleeding at all. Just a regular seeming schedule and cycle so far. Thank fuck for that.

Actually, I must be having some sort of PMS. I've also been cursing up a storm.

Work is pissing me off. It's been extremely stressful this week, which wouldn't otherwise bug me except that since I had the conversation with GT about how the company really doesn't value me, I haven't really been motivated to give them anything at all. Then I went to dinner with EG who reminded me that the office only rewards people who give up their lives and work insane hours. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. For fucks sake, I just need to leave.

Friends behaving badly also isn't winning any favors at the moment. I know that it's all a bad situation, but you know what, it's not my bad situation. And I don't have to be involved. I have high expectations for improvements next week. That's probably a mistake.

I've been feeling lonely. I know this is because I was talking to Mr.Aloof and he just disappeared, and even though even our talking didn't mean anything (we had no plans to meet up), I recognize that what I get from it is just a level of comfort. And I miss it when it goes away and I want it if not from him, from someone else. Which isn't bad actually, because it suggests that I need to be more active again in looking. So that's fine. I can do that. Still, motivation from loneliness isn't maybe the best reason. I need to find some happy medium. I despise feeling either desperate (even though I don't think I really am) or dependent (which again I don't think I am) because I view those as incredibly unattractive qualities.

Half an hour gone and I feel no more interest in going to Earl's Court than I did earlier. Maybe I'll go sign up at the gym. I think I would like that. Still, even such a simple task seems overwhelming and daunting at the moment. I may not get it done. I don't fucking care.