Work is crazy. They were mad not to take me up on the offer to move my trip. I'm leaving two projects horribly in the lurch. Of course I feel responsible to my projects, and it's difficult to reconcile that my office is making the decision to allow things to plummet into chaos, and that it has nothing to do with me. Sometimes it's a pain to feel responsible. My co-workers keep saying that maybe this will be what it takes for them to realize my value. But I doubt it. They won't connect the two. At any rate, I am already not looking forward to what will be the situation when I return. That's a bit nuts.
The studying has hit an all time low, and I believe that I will finally pay the price. Of the three exams I am scheduled to take, I have so far only studied for one. Of course, it's the first one, so that's useful. Still, I haven't even cracked any of the material in respect to the other two. This is foolish beyond measure. Still, what's done is done and I cannot turn back the clock, and even if I could, there's really no point in suggesting I would have done things any differently. I guess I'm just going to see how it goes. I do my best work under pressure. And I've left myself five days between each exam. Enough to cram what I need to know? I guess we'll find out. But it wasn't a good plan. Typical.
Then there's the flights. Well, flight, initially. Monday. I haven't been on a plane since we all went to Madrid in October. Of course I'm not looking forward to it. It makes me feel sick to think about it. And I will do it, like I always do it, but it's just not pleasant. At least I managed to get xanax from my GP. Initially they told me I couldn't get it on the NHS, and gave me something else that did fuck all. Then I figured out what they meant was, NHS wouldn't pay for it, but I could. Ten pills ended up costing me less than an NHS perscription. Score!
I'd like to say that I'm going to have a productive weekend getting ready to leave my home for four weeks, but it's SA's 30th birthday and there are all sorts of events planned including a six hour canal boat binge-fest on Sunday. I don't know how I'm going to fit in everything I need to do. I mean, I know I will, but at the moment I don't know how. It's just going to fly past in a whirlwind and I'm going to be getting on the plane thinking of a million things I forgot.
On the plus side, all of this panic and stress has had the beneficial result of pushing me back to the gym. I've been going almost every day the past three weeks. And it's great. I do love when I go to the gym. I guess procrastination panic was just what I needed to kick my ass back into going. I've even had my mom look into signing me up at hers for a one month pass so I don't lose my momentum. So the real test will be once I get back, to see if the push lasts once the panic has subsided.
At least I'm starting to look forward a little bit to all the things I'm going to get a chance to do once I'm actually there. But we'll see how that goes. I'm sure updates will follow, but perhaps no more until I'm home.
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