I Feel Sick

Yeah, Joe is right, I did leave a tease on the end of that last entry. And one of my fingers is black with ink from scribbling down my memories in my paper journal which is already proving difficult given the time lag. Still, one interlude post before moving on to sex parties. Because I'm shitting myself at the moment and it's not very nice.

I'm about to break up with J.

What has it been now- about six weeks? I guess. Long enough for me to fully explore and come to the conclusion that there is no possibility of a long term future with him.

It's not that things aren't pleasant or alright. Or even that they are in any particular way bad. It just isn't going to lead anywhere. Or worse, it will only lead somewhere bad, if I don't head down this particular route and do what I know needs to be done, soon.

I've known for about a week, I just haven't felt it was the right time. But I've just sent him a text asking if he had time to meet up so we could 'chat'. (I know, dead give away and it's all crumbling rather quickly) So now we are arranging a 2pm meeting for coffee and it's all going to happen for real and I need to be a grown up and say to someones face something I don't want to have to say.

I feel sick.