General Grumpiness

In a large part I'm contributing my current mood to hormones. It's the right time to be incredibly grumpy due to hormones, and it would explain why I feel overwhelming annoyance at just about everything that is managing to cross my path. On the other hand, at least one thing is reasonable to be annoyed at I think. Though maybe not quite as vehemently annoyed as I currently am.

I'll start with the one that isn't. I'm very irate with SP right now. Okay, not very irate, but somewhat annoyed because she is making decisions that don't make sense to me. She's in a horrid situation, but on some level is being slightly martyr-ish about some of the decisions she's making. At a certain point, you have to stop letting yourself be the victim and fight back for your rights. I understand this isn't how she is, she's very principled. And even if she gets screwed, she will not make the decision that is 'wrong' if in any way the decision can be accounted for as 'wrong'. But I just think, fuck, at some point you have to put your morals aside and fight for yourself. Being a martyr isn't worthwhile. But maybe it is. Or maybe I'm just a less nice person. It's not that I don't admire her for sticking to her convictions, but I couldn't handle knowing that my own decisions caused me more and more grief if only I'd done something perhaps only slightly underhand myself, then I could at least not have that pain. I don't know. Like I said, hormones, so I find that I'm just annoyed.

The thing I think I'm allowed to be annoyed about is P. So, very good fun night Tuesday night. We hadn't made specific plans to meet up again, though it had gone so very well, I wasn't actually concerned about it. Until he went basically radio silent Wednesday, Thursday, and now today. I'm sorry, did I say something about how it was all going well. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. There could be a perfectly good explanation. On the other hand, this is my world, and I constantly get the short end of the stick in this particular situation. I'm trying not to let my craziness take over, but I'm preparing for the worst. And the hormones are not fucking helping.

At least it's Friday. Except I have so much work to do between now and the xmas break, that really, that's just stressing me out and making me grumpy too. I need chocolate I think. And I need it now.