Oh, I Hate Men!

I hate men.
I can't abide 'em even now and then.
Than ever marry one of them, I'd rest a maiden rather,
For husbands are a boring lot and only give you bother.
Of course, I'm awfully glad that Mother had to marry Father,
But I hate men.

Somewhere in the many chambered tower that is my brain, there is a revolt of gleeful demons who are jumping up and down because their side has won a battle.

Of all the types I've ever met within our democracy,
I hate most the athlete with his manner bold and brassy,
He may have hair upon his chest but sister, so has Lassie.
Oh, I hate men!

After last weekends flurry of email and IM chat and the week preceding of much the same, where F proclaimed his extreme interest in me and I let myself believe that this is what it's like to break my pattern. To allow that someone could be interested in me, that being eager or excited about someone was okay. I pushed my demons aside and told myself that this was the new path and a good new potential start. And he charmed me. And I let myself fall for it.

I hate men.
They should be kept like piggies in a pen.
Avoid the trav'ling salesman though a tempting Tom he may be,
For on your wedding night he may be off to far Araby,
While he's away in Mandalay is thee who have the baby,
Oh I hate men.

I mean, on Saturday he was practically begging me to hop a train to Brighton just so he could meet me in person sooner. I think we texted on Sunday perhaps, in fact, no, I'm sure we did. And then... (AND THEN...!) nothing. All week there's basically been no word. Not an email, not a messenger appearance. 'How strange' I thought to myself, 'how very strange indeed.'

If thou shouldst wed a businessman, be wary, oh, be wary.
He'll tell you he's detained in town on business necessary,
His bus'ness is the bus'ness with his pretty secretary,
Oh I hate men!

But I thought I was just being paranoid, what being out of my comfort zone and all to begin with by even listening to such fancies. So I told myself to be calm and to give him the benefit of the doubt. But by the time Thursday had arrived and still no word, even though we had scheduled plans for Friday I had to admit that something was not right. So I sent an email and a text both that simply said 'Do we still have plans tomorrow?'. And I got a paragraph email response an hour or so later that said he'd been busy 'socially' and that he'd misplanned his weekend so he had his daughter and had been trying to get out of it. Then he went on to talk some crap about he was still interested if I wanted to meet up some other time. So I sent a pleasant reply saying I was glad he was out being social and that meeting up was generally the goal of on-line dating, so he should propose a new time and then some other mindless pleasant chatter. And of course, there has been nothing since then.

I hate men. though roosters they, I will not play the hen.
If you espouse an older man through girlish optimism,
He'll always stay at home at night and make no criticism,
Though you may call it love, the doctors call it rheumatism.
Oh I hate men.

And so my demons rejoice. Why? Because why the fuck should I even sucker myself into thinking for even one moment that I'm worthy of someone's attention? Why should I believe for a nanosecond that anyone should be interested in me? Of course they're not. Of course it's all bullshit. Of course it's impossible for someone to be into me for me. And this is why I trust men who are aloof and distant because it confirms that I'm worthless and not suitable to be loved or adored by anyone. And when I try to break the pattern? I'm just reminded of why it's fucking there.

From all I've read, alone in bed, from A to Zed, about 'em.
Since love is blind, then from the mind, all womankind should rout 'em,
But, ladies, you must answer too, what would we do without 'em?
Still, I hate men!

End Rant.
We now return you to your normal blog.