Redundant is Just Another Word for Fired

Well.

My office has made me 'unofficially' redundant.

It's all very difficult actually, because it's clear that they have no interest in giving me any part time work. If they could have their way, I'd be out in the five weeks I'm owed. The only thing that is making them reasonable is that they are being considerate about my citizenship application and are willing to work with me to keep me on in some capacity (on the books that is) to try to make sure that my application doesn't get fucked. Of course the only reason I think they're being reasonable about that is they can then wiggle out of paying me redundancy pay since I'm not technically being made redundant.

So other than that, I've got pretty much nothing.

I'm irritated because it looks like they're willing to keep more architects than they originally said they would (at the expensive of other staff). I'm irritated because when V, the one person from my department who they want to keep said that she would want me to come in if she couldn't handle the workload they basically told her no- that someone else could do it. I'm irritated because I'm in this mess and part of me is still fairly worried that this is going to somehow impact my application and what if I don't get citizenship? Then what? I'm irritated that there isn't anything I can do about it and that I have little control over my immediate future and I am not a patient person.

I'm avoiding trying to work out exactly how much money I have versus how much money I need. I'm settling into the mindset that I'm about to become a super cheap person and stop spending money on pretty much anything. On the one hand I'm looking forward to having time off, and on the other hand I worry that I'm going to get depressed. I won't be able to look for work really until December. Who the fuck hires anyone in December?

Jesus what a fucking disaster. Not one that I won't live through, but seriously, one huge fucking headache.

I think the worst bit is that I'm just going to worry the entire time that somehow this is going to mean I don't get to stay here. I think when it comes down to it, this is actually my biggest fear. Not finding new work, and not really the being out of money and work (I think that's just particularly annoying because I won't be able to look for new work) but really my fear is that I've lived here five and a half years and it could all go up in a puff of smoke like that. I have zero rights if my application isn't approved. I'm just so very conscious of how knife edge wrong this situation is in terms of what I need for it to be.

And I want to add, that while my office is willing to work with me as best they can, they did make it absolutely clear in my meeting that they cannot do anything that jeopardizes the business. So it's not even completely settled yet- except that I know they really rather wish I wasn't there and they didn't have this problem.

So while I feel set on my course, there's obviously a lot of residual worry about how it all plays out. It's not like I have choices. In fact, I have pretty much no choices now. It's just all about wait and see. And what can I work out with my office. Since I woke up far too early this morning and couldn't get back to sleep, I did have one idea to pitch to them about how to hopefully make me be truly 'permanent' until the technical end of my visa period at which point I don't think the government can slight me for anything. But I don't know if they'll accept it. Basically it involves moving two weeks of my 'unofficial five weeks notice' by requesting a week of unpaid leave in september and a week in october to be moved to the end of what I have left. That brings me two days short of meeting my visa requirement (which considering they can get away with not paying me redundancy because I'm not techncially being made redundant I think they should suck up and pay me).

So complicated.

So annoying.

So much possibility for it all to go tits up.

And there really just isn't anything I can do except exactly what I know I need to do and then it's out of my hands and I just wait while my money dwindles and the economy worsens.

In impulsive moments of being fed up with the situation, I sort of wonder if I should just go home and this idea of dual citizenship is a pipe dream that I'm never going to achieve.