Working Through

For some reason I feel a bit set on autopilot these days. Which is a bit strange because my major project basically got handed in (though there are a few stray bits to finish up) and that was a massive burden. But new things have stepped in to taken the place of that responsibility, as they do. Studying for my next exams, new jobs, focusing on finding a new job possibly, etc etc.

Still, my point in this post today isn't an update, and it wasn't to talk about work. It was to talk about the irrational anger that I'm feeling from time to time these days, and the knowledge that it too will pass.

Basically it's a bit annoying that as part of the Mr.Aloof fiasco, I know who his current partner is, and she's frequently on a site that I'm on. So I can see when she's been on, I can read all her posts. And I've developed an irrational anger towards her, as an offshoot as my overwhelming anger at him. This is all a bit amusing I suppose because last week I felt nothing and this week I feel angry. But that's normal. I've been here before. Wanting to get rid of all the bile and knowing you can't, so it bubbles up occasionally until it settles down forever. I felt this way about P and I felt this way about E, and now I feel this way about Mr.Aloof and eventually I will feel nothing at all, permanently.

Still, it's a bit annoying to be possessed by such rage. It's the purging of the old good feelings through their reinterpretation as bad. What is that old saying? The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. I'll get there. I'm not intending to contact him or talk to him. This will pass. Just need to work through....