Life Without Structure

None of this 'unemployed time' is going quite how I thought it would. I was worried I would get bored. I was concerned I would have too much time to think, or would become depressed. Instead, I find that I am frequently busy socializing with friends and that the lack of structure to my days, or my week, means that to me, time is simply flying by at a very quick pace.

This reminds me of when I was in school. A single semester, which is only four months used to feel like it would take forever. So many things would be packed into those slight four months. Intrigue, learning, social politics. Those four months seemed like an entire year if for example, I compared it to my 'working life'. Working life seemed to pass quickly. More quickly than school life at least. But this is nothing compared to my new unstructured life. This new state of existence sees entire weeks simply disappearing with me not knowing exactly what I did or where it went.

Not that I'm having a bad time mind you, just commentary really. And an explanation of sorts. Because in this whirlwind of passing time I find that I have become more flaky and more unreliable in terms of getting back to people and making commitments, even though I know have all the flexibility and time in the world to ensure that I can accomplish whatever I want. I'm not entirely sure why this is the case, though I assume it's up there with my original intention to go to the gym every day compared to the fact that I have only been twice.

I'm clearly a gal who needs structure. Well, given my bdsm leanings, it's not really a surprise is it? I function the best under expectation. I am the most productive when given motivation. And for me, motivation rarely comes from within. External sources are for more attractive and therefor affective.

I suppose the point being, I'm going to try and get a handle on my complete slump of laziness and try to establish some sort of structure for myself, even though I expect this exercise to fail miserably.

In other news, and to counteract this period of nothingness, I am preparing my very first Thanksgiving for nine people next Thursday. I'm very excited about this endeavor- though I'm a little bit nervous since Thanksgiving is such a family specific activity. I prefer my Thanksgiving to be a very specific way which is based on how my Aunt did Thanksgiving. I've been to other Thanksgivings and they simply haven't been the same. So while I'm quite looking forward to making Thanksgiving the way I think it should be, I'm acutely aware that the other Americans in attendance will feel a slight twinge of nostalgia for something other than what I will be providing.

Still, I expect it to be a pretty good evening full of very tasty food and pie. How can that be bad exactly? We shall see. If I remember, I'll get a photo of the the final result for posterity.