Foursome?

Recently, I had an opportunity to see the other couple. They have been married now about two years, and are about a month away from having a baby. We haven't messed around for a while. Let me think. Last time we messed around they were just at 8 weeks pregnant, and I really only messed around with him. I remember this because I was over there and I asked if they were pregnant and they said 'no' and then a couple days later they called to tell me they were, in fact, pregnant but didn't want to say until after the scan.

At any rate, I saw them recently. For the baby shower. Which is one month before their due date. I feel somewhat guilty about this because it happens to be the same weekend I broke up with Mr English. I fear this makes me a bad person, but then, there are any number of things wrong with how it all played out. For starters, I never ever told Mr English about my more colorful past- or rather, I alluded to some of it and he never asked. So it wasn't something I talked to him about. Had I not been on the verge of splitting with him, I would never have done what I did. I don't think. No, I wouldn't have. I think the fact that I stuck around, that what happened, happened, was symptomatic of what I already knew. And I think I would not have done it unless I was absolutely going to end things with him immediately. But I feel the need to say up front that it doesn't make me feel overly splendid about myself. Anyway. That's not the part I want to focus on.

So I hung around after the baby shower. We talked about life and things in general. I talked with them about Mr English and how I felt about it. And about relationships in general and how I didn't really want casual messing about any more. So I suppose it's only funny how I ended up in bed with them. It all started as we were talking about the pregnancy and about perineal massage. She is a fairly petite girl and at 8 months is already huge, only expecting to get huger. And she's afraid, I think, as any sane woman would be, of the experience of giving birth. And of tearing. So this perineal massage is supposed to help prepare your delicate areas for the stretching they are about to undergo. We were discussing this and then they asked if I wanted to watch/help and I, fascinated, agreed.

I have to admit to something of a pregnancy fetish. I mean, not a fetish per se because I don't really find myself overly attracted to women, and not pregnant women. But I am fascinated by pregnancy. Particularly in humans. Maybe because it's something I've not experienced, and may never experience. I don't know why- it just grabs my attention completely and I'm completely intrigued by how it all 'fits in there' and works. And I'm particularly intrigued about how a woman's body changes to accommodate this intrusion. So I was very interested to see how her body had changed during the pregnancy- how her shape and posture changed to make room for this bump.

In preparation for the perineal massage, we watched the video above, but then we were looking at other videos and found one of a hippie lady talking about it as a sexual experience. I asked them if they'd tried the hippie approach and they said no. Then we cleaned up and got down to business. From behind it's almost impossible to see that she is pregnant. They showed me the massage technique and let me have a go. While I had a go, he went about seeing if he could get her off at the same time. And he did, twice.

Then everyone shifted around. Did they have sex for a while as she and I kissed and she played with my breasts? Sounds right. And I know we ended up in a position where he was fucking her and getting me off, and she and I were kissing. It was all very well orchestrated actually. So I had sex. With a pregnant couple who were not just a little bit pregnant but very pregnant. And it was cool and fun and fascinating.

I still don't really think in general that it's what I want to be doing however. I want to find someone just for me- someone I can talk to about my past and my openness about things. And yet I don't want an open relationship interestingly enough. Not really. Fuck. I guess I'm just really complex and it's time like this that I'm not at all confused why I haven't been able to find the right person.

It's not that I think there's anything wrong with me, or what I've gotten up to. But how on earth am I going to find someone who is cool enough to be comfortable with it all? I know my lifestyle choices can hardly be considered mainstream. Dammit.

As a happy side note to this however, I also want to say that I have the greatest respect for the other couple. That they are a good example to me of people who don't see their sexuality as 'a phase'. That they embrace and are comfortable with who they are- at the different stages of their lives that they are undertaking together. They are sexually intimate and compatible, and they have excellent communication. They are, in fact, extremely well suited for each other and a truly lovely and loving couple. I suppose as a contrast to my fear above, they are a good example, that these things are indeed possible. So there.