Not Inspired

I know what I'm going to talk about in therapy today. I'm going to talk about how I think I'm a very boring person. It's true. The follow up to thinking that I'm a very boring person is to correlate this to thinking I have nothing of interest to offer anyone else, particularly in the area of relationships.

I've been thinking about this recently because I have been trying to think about how I come across to other people. Why would anyone want to get to know me? In fact, how is it even possible for someone to get to know me when there seems to be nothing interesting about me whatsoever?

I can tick off the things I am passionate about. I am passionate about food. I can talk about food and food related things for a very long time. Of course, someone has to be interested in food related things for me to want to talk to them about this subject, otherwise I think I'm boring them and I tend to reign it in.

I enjoy travel. I like to hypothesize about where to travel next, fun adventures I've had while traveling and hear about other people's traveling adventures as well. Again though, this sort of requires that I'm talking to someone who is interested in travel, because I really wouldn't ramble on about any subject that I thought was boring my listener (here doesn't count of course).

I suppose I'm pretty passionate about sex and porn but that's tricky to discuss with other people because it seems too personal and intimate and leading even if I didn't mean for it be. In any case, I'm often interested in esoteric aspects of sexuality versus simply the hot factor. I find this isn't always shared with fellow admirers, which isn't going to generate loads of discussion.

I'm reasonably passionate about architecture and urban design. I guess I should be- since it's what I do. But unless someone else is knowledgeable or interested, this is definitely a dead end conversation topic. There's this sort of criticism about 'architecture for architects' sometimes. And while I don't think that's admirable in a building, when it comes to discussion, it's easier when someone has a similar knowledge level to mine. Otherwise it's more education than discussion and that's not really what I'm intending.

Really, the thing that I am the most interested in and the most passionate about is other people. This is something that I do end up discussing with various friends pretty much all the time, but it tends to make me feel like a bit of a gossip and anyway, is that a passion? I mean to me, in a way, it is- because I am utterly intrigued and fascinated about how and why people make decisions and choices. But due to the nature of the interest, it's impossible for it to be independent. And it seems a poor conversation topic. Certainly not in a getting to know someone way.

I realize that I'm thinking these things because I am in the process of 'explaining' things in my life. Like, if only I was more interesting and offered more as a person and individual than things would come my way. Or people would respond to it. And I guess it's hard because I think other people and their interests and activities are so very interesting- if I turn that gaze on myself, I just see.... nothing. I've got nothing. Pah.