Unnecessary Proof

This week I am house and dog sitting for my supervisor. Her family lives in a listed cottage on the outskirts of Fulbourn by Cambridge. I arrived Friday afternoon and it is only Tuesday. I'm here until Sunday. So far I have learned a lesson I already knew, and have added something new. First, I am not meant to live in the countryside. It's awful. It's boring. It's too quiet. It's car dependent. It's far away. Honestly. I don't understand why anyone would aspire to this lifestyle. It probably doesn't help that I'm not very outdoorsy. So Just sit in this cottage thankfully with Internet and a large plasma screen and leave 3x a day to walk the dog.

That's the other thing I've learned. Maybe I don't ever want to own a dog. What a nuisance. I suppose if you could let your dog out to poop in a yard, then that would be different. And I believe that this family does actually let their dog out to poop in the yard- they don't walk it 3 times a day. But they've asked me to walk it three times a day and oh yes, not to leave it alone for anything more than four hours. I feel trapped.

Even though it's only less than 5 miles from Cambridge the bus takes 40 minutes. I could cycle of course, although that would probably take 30 minutes and then I'd be sweaty and have helmet hair. No, it's better than I just stay out here. Sitting in the house. Peering out the window. Occasionally walking the dog.

Mr English continues to be a diversion, although one I should think about ending. I was in fact thinking about ending it before he came over to visit me here on Sunday. But then we ended up fooling around and it was fun and all thoughts of breaking with him drifted. But I know it's coming close. Although there are certain things we both want- there are important things where we disagree about future goals and desires. Mainly that he thinks this cottage is the ideal place to live and I think it's hell. I don't see how this can be reconciled. I think I would be willing to make huge sacrifices for someone I was madly in love with. But although I am incredibly fond of Mr English, I am not in love with him. And I don't think I'm going to fall in love with him at this rate. This means I am extremely unwilling to consider much compromise in terms of what I want out of my future and life. Primarily this is living in a big city and also that my professional career might mean I get to move around a bit (and actually that sounds appealing to me, so it's not like a hardship in any way). I hate having to split with people though. It makes me feel bad.

I'm submitting an abstract for another conference paper. One that will hopefully motivate me to jump start my own academic research for my PhD. I work better with deadlines, which was sort of a known thing. So this conference sounds perfect. Submit the abstract by the end of the week, and if it's accepted (which I really hope it is) then the full paper will be due in October which gives me from now until then to get my fucking work done. It really wouldn't be an issue at all if there wasn't additional work for my research group vaguely hanging over my head. If that was completely gone, then I'd feel okay. But knowing that's lurking there is unsettling. It's still going to be a hard slog of work to make this deadline, but I figure it's the kick in the ass that I seriously need at this point.

Last, while the rest of the world suffers under a heat wave, I'm sorry to say that it's cold and dreary here in England. This means the one benefit to being out in this cottage- that they have a seasonal above ground pool, is completely useless so far. Figures.