Saturday Slowness

This is not going to be a post about anything in particular. It's Saturday and almost 3. I'm hanging about in my lounge, still in my pajamas. I've got a load of laundry about to be ready to hang up, and I've sorted out my DVD shelf by moving some other stuff around. This has enlightened me to the fact that my 'L Word' season 2 is missing. I have no idea who has it.

No further word from Mr.Aloof since he tried it on. Which is fine by me. I don't need him pushing at me which forces my had in being more and more firmly bitchy towards him. Then of course he feels like he is the one who has been wronged. Sometimes no really does mean no you know.

I feel like I just returned from Cambridge and am in no way ready to go up there again tomorrow. I've just checked the train and at least it's running, as last Sunday it was not and I had to travel Monday morning instead. Still, I honestly feel like I just got back. I don't have time to do anything, take care of anything, and then I'm up there again. And this week I have to stay through Thursday, and next week I have to be there on Thursday as well. Actually the week after next I'm off to Liverpool for two days, so I'll have no time at all at home before I'm back in Cambridge. I know that this is really just things re-settling into place, but right now it's a real burden. I'll get used to it, mainly because there isn't any other choice. And honestly, if this is the worst aspect of my current life I can't say that it's that bad. But it is enough to be annoying and draining just now. Until it settles into some sort of routine.

I've been spending a small amount of my free time turning this blog into a printable book (using blurb for anyone who might want to do the same). I've decided to do a book for every year so I can add them to my collection of hand written journals. It has always bothered me that all of this writing is separated from the other records I have kept of my life. This has turned into something of a time consuming endeavor however. And I note that many images used in the early days of this blog are simply missing, and so already the record of the past is incomplete. In some cases I remember very clearly what the image was, so I have been able to repair it. But in many cases, the image is just lost. I look forward to the first book however. I'm working on 2005 and am about 1/3 of the way through it. It's interesting to read back, but then, it always is. This is part of the reason I need it printed to join the rest. Though I wonder what will happen to any of these things in the future. Funny things we do us human beings.

Nothing much interesting on the relationship front. I had a very vivid dream last night of being with someone- not having sex with them, but having them touch me and hold me. I remember that we were spooning, with my back to his big spoon. It felt incredibly real. When I woke up I was disturbed slightly. Although there was a lot more to the dream that was equally disturbing though in different ways. It was one of my 'epic' dreams and I woke up remembering quite a bit of it which is often just confusing. This was only one very small part.

I have only managed to lose 3 lbs since putting on 6 from going to Italy which I am not pleased about. This is pushing me to behave badly in respect to my eating to force the remaining 3 pounds to go. I dislike feeling obsessive about my weight, but then I dislike being overweight. Nothing new there. This current schedule does nothing to improve my eating. What I really wanted to do today was cook some good and healthy food but of course, what's the point. I can't take it to Cambridge with me, and it will rot here in the interim.

I don't want this all to be bitching and moaning however. I am in many ways looking forward to this year. I feel so much more in control of my work and what I need to do. Yes, there are a million annoyances clamoring for my time and attention, but I feel confident that I am on the right track and can tackle this whole PhD thing. Of course part of me feels quite strongly that what I'm doing would in no way be considered a real PhD by most US institutions, but what difference does it make once I have the thing? I'm getting a PhD from Cambridge! Not only that, but I seem to be doing it reasonably well. I'll stick with that for the time being. It gives me... energy and motivation to keep it up.

I'm sure there was something else I wanted to write about but I really can't remember what it was. Ah well.