Time For It

I miss writing, it just never seems the right time.

So all these good ideas and thoughts pass me by and like most things in life, generally disappear forever. I don't like it.

So while I don't have anything entirely pressing to say just now, it is time to sit down and write, just because. So here goes.

In less than a week I fly to the States. I'm trying not to think about the flying thing, though I suppose I should. I'm just now considering and trying to remember if I have enough drugs for the trip. I'll need to check that. Could be a problem. Although I think I might be okay, but then this will be using up whatever I have left so I will definitely need to make an appointment for more.

School is going well I think. Hard for me not to say 'work' to be honest. Hard to think of myself as a 'student'. I have a new supervisor. She's fairly impressive. She is going to kick my ass in the best possible way and I'm going to do much better work because of her efforts. A friend of mine delighted me by responding to my comments on this subject with the following:

"It also seems like you're happy to be driven like a rented mule with this new boss. Almost like she's taking control, giving orders, handing out punishments to her rebellious staff. Sounds perfect for you."

Of course, this is entirely accurate. Isn't it wonderful?

In sadder news, I haven't had sex since my last posting. This is entirely why I don't get involved in such scenarios. If I'm going to have a friend with benefits, I want a lot of benefits. Like weekly benefits. If this much time passes in between, then I just sort of wonder what the point is. When I've gone through the trouble of opening the door to sex, it just stirs up all sorts of thinking and desires. I prefer to have that door shut, or have that door being used. Not just sitting idly open. That isn't good for me. So I'm working on dealing with the disappointment. Though I don't regret the particular evening. I'm just sad that it hasn't been followed up on. (And yes, I've made an offer, I was politely declined for a 'raincheck'. Whatever.)

When I go home I'm getting a new laptop. I need one for all of my moving about between the city and Cambridge and home. I need something I can carry my own work on and have the things I need readily at hand. I'm going to get an ultra-light, 13.5". Just haven't decided on the brand yet. I've been waiting for a couple of new released from Acer and Asus but it looks like they're going to be too late, so I either need the previous model or I need to go look at some other options in the shop. At least that gives me something to do when I get there.

To continue with the garbage in my head, I've been feeling particularly fat these days. I don't really know what's brought it on, well, let me rephrase this. The incident with G and the lack of follow up in the sex department really doesn't help with my body image issues. But also, it seems I knew a number of women who are losing weight or thinking about weight and this always makes me consider my own weight. I'm not entirely sure what I want to do about it yet, but it's something I'm thinking about a lot, almost bordering on unhealthy. Should I consider myself lucky or not that even though I mentally obsess about these things, I rarely get to the point of taking action - in particular, stupid actions. But then again, that attitude of laziness just fuels my negative thinking about how I'm a terrible person. Alas.

Which isn't to say I've been hugely down on myself. I haven't been. I'm enjoying my new post-fire short haircut. I'm enjoying the spring. I'm enjoying my work. I'm enjoying my friends, for as much as I see of them at the moment, although I do feel perhaps a bit alone. That's not terribly unusual though. I'm looking forward to going home, I'm looking forward to coming back. I just can't quite get past the sense that something is missing or off. Maybe it's the flight coming up. I don't know. I'm not dwelling to the point where it's overwhelming me, but I acknowledge that it's there.

Oh yeah, and in my last bit of random spouting, they're about to start work on my building so that sort of sucks. Going to be covered in scaffolding some time next week, just as the weather is getting to the point where I want windows open. Not to mention that this little exercise by the Council is going to cost me somewhere in excess of eight grand in squids. And on top of that I just got a notice yesterday that in addition to all the Decent Homes work that they're getting ready to start and charge me for, they're going to do a secure entry door installation and that's going to be a new and separate bill. Great. The timing couldn't be worse really. I had saved some money to fund my studentship and it looks like it's all about to fly out the window. Just really really bad timing.

But that's life I guess. It's all life. Just trucking along. Tick tock, tick tock. What else can you do?