Should be Packing

But when has that ever motivated me? I thought I should update before I took off for the skies. Because my last post was perhaps premature in some ways, and prescient in others.

Since my last post, I had sex. Yes, I decided to give G one more chance after chatting with mutual friend H. She said to me, "G is a bit wet, I'm afraid you're going to have to drive that train." And I just thought well, maybe. I was annoyed that there had been the whole raincheck with no follow up, and my delicate ego wasn't really up for another beating, but I thought I'd give it a try, and aren't I glad I did.

As it was bank holiday weekend, G and I met up Sunday for a movie (An Education) at the Prince Charles then we went for a drink in the lower level bar at the Curzon. I know, very arty of us. We hung out on a sofa for a while, but eventually it was last call and they were kicking us out. We had that moment of 'what next' and it was suggested (not by me) that maybe we could go back to my house, but there was some reservation. Basically G expressed that he didn't want to hurt me. So what ensued was a vaguely grown up conversation about how to have casual intimate relationships, what the rules were, and so forth, and with that out of the way, we popped over to Chinatown for a fried rice take away and took the bus back to mine.

Of course on the bus, we watched some porn on my mp3 player. That was amusing. There is something pleasing about being able to share certain aspects of yourself without repercussion. I know that most of my friends know about my sexual interests, but that doesn't mean I want to share it specifically with them (or that they would want me to). I like that I can just express something kinky or deviant and it's just accepted. But better than being accepted, it's appreciated.

At any rate. Back to my house, some wine, some books, some whip cracking in the lounge. You know, the usual. Then we went up to my room and had some fun. In fact, we had a lot of fun. Marred by one small incident that was quickly overcome. Positive comment of note, my matching underwear set and my waist cincher corset with some sexy shoes looks pretty hot. Note to self, invest in another waist cincher corset.

So that was really positive right? Right?? But the not so great thing since my last post has been my eating. Atrocious. I've gotten it into my head that I'm overweight because I eat more calories than I use up. So, the only way to lose weight is to eat less. Therefor, I've spent the better part of the past five days or so not eating that much. Impressively I've lost 4 pounds, but I know this isn't clever. On the other hand, I do just get really frustrated. I read an article on a health website that was all about the calories in/calories out equation and how it's bullshit that people are 'looking for the fat gene' because really, they're just eating too much. I think, okay, this is true to a certain extent. The only problem is, if you don't burn enough calories in a day, then you have to eat less then the 'recommended average' in order to be a 'healthy' weight. I'm convinced that the only way for me to be 'thin' at my current activity level is to actually eat less to the point where my daily intake would be somewhat shocking. On the other hand, I really don't eat all that terribly. Don't have junk food, not loads of high fat stuff, lots of vegetables. I do believe that I have portion control issues sometimes, but I don't snack. So what? Need less calories. Must eat less food.

Although in saying this, going to the States tomorrow is not going to uphold this new eating plan, as pretty much my entire visit revolves around eating food. So either this phase will pass in the almost three weeks I'm away, or I'll come back and restrict my eating again because I'll have gained a lot of weight. Who knows. We'll see.

As for going to the States tomorrow, I'm so stressed. My skin is a disaster. It's been an incredibly busy time with school stuff - change of supervisor, changing from my internship period to my research period, and getting ready for this trip. I've been avoiding thinking about the trip basically but all of the sudden it's tomorrow and I haven't gotten everything done. Not to mention the phobia. Not at all looking forward to the flight. Feel like I'm hurtling towards something I can't stop, and am not quite sure I want. I'm sure I'll have a good time once I'm there, but it's hard to get my head in the right space. I feel like I'm being ripped from my life, just leaving a void, floating in limbo. I really don't like that feeling.

So that's a vague update. I should say more about the sex. It's so novel to me. Still. I honestly wonder sometimes if there will come a time when sex isn't novel to me. Not to mention the thrill of riding crops and rubber whips, leather cuffs and a collar, chains, nipple clamps, blindfolds, hoods, vibrators, and porn. How on earth does anyone ever get tired of it?? That's a challenge I would happily take on.

Anyway. I suppose I should consider packing. Or maybe I should leave that for the morning. Think good plane thoughts for me.