Chocolate Pretzels

Very little can be wrong in the world when I can sit and eat chocolate covered pretzels. This particular bag of booty was purchased in April when I was in the States. It's actually the first of three bags that I've decided to open. I hoard food you see. Sometimes I think it's good just to have something and then I'm reluctant to actually eat it because then I won't have it anymore. I realize this isn't the best pattern of behavior, but it's not really something I do consciously. In fact, when I think about such things, I try to 'give myself permission' to eat the good stuff as it were. Hence my current enjoyment of my pretzels. It probably also helps that I have two more bags after this one. Baby steps.

So what else is new around here then? Seems like work at the old office is continuing on a bit. I'm certainly not complaining about that. Given my new rigorous spending habits (or lack thereof), the money I have earned in these five weeks, plus the money I get from my lodger will get me through September. And I hope that by the end of September, I'll have made more money which will get me past then. That's how it works now really. Living on an extended timeline of cash. Until what time in the future can I afford myself. When does it become critical? How far ahead can I keep that line?

It's not awful mind you- it's just a very different way of thinking about things. It's not at all the same as a regular paycheck. Your entire way of making plans and thinking about the future changes completely. It's not bad- because I somehow manage to keep that line just ahead of me. But it could be bad. There's always that feeling of risk and uncertainty. I'm still somehow managing it okay, it's just weird.

No word from the PhD people. This of course leads me to think that I'm not going to get it and I keep waiting for my ding letter or phone call. Which is silly, but really, I just hate the waiting.

In the meantime I'm putting in a teaching application which would be pretty cool. Actually in some ways I think it would be cooler than the PhD. I don't know. I'm stressed that I'm not going to get anything at all. Fantastic opportunities passing me by and I don't get anything. Well, we'll see.

Things with Heathrow are alright. So alright in fact, that I fear it's the niggling beginning of the end. Because how can things be so alright with no possible opportunity for forward movement? How long can you stay happy but know that you've reached some sort of limit? I don't know. I'm not unhappy now by any means and I think it's important to stress that. The time we spend together is great. I hugely enjoy his company. We have lots of fun. It's just that it's all there is. Only good times. See, a bit confusing. Well, whatever. When I am truly dissatisfied or unhappy I will obviously need to revisit this topic. I guess I'm just mentioning a point. A small point. Perhaps a turning point. We'll see.

So what else is going on in life? My birthday is just about a month away. I've made no plans for it yet this year. Ideally I would have done a house party but I just can't see that happening this year. Two days after my birthday I'll be going to the ukulele proms with Heathrow which should be a hoot. But my two best friends won't be around so maybe I don't feel like doing all that much. It's still a month off though, so we'll see.

Anyway, that's the news from around here. No news is good news? The chocolate covered pretzels await.